Crashed Into You
by Bunnylass
Summary: Suze and Jesse, two strangers, both dislike Valentine's Day. But after being forced together by two separate minor emergencies, the day ends out better than both of them could have hoped for. FINAL CHAPTER UP! Thank you!
1. Crashed Into You

**_Disclaimer:_ **The Mediator belongs to Meg Cabot. The song lyrics belong to Sydney Forest.

**_Rating:_ **T

_**Summary:**_ Suze and Jesse, two strangers, both dislike Valentine's Day for one reason or another. But after being forced together by two separate minor emergencies, the day ends out better than both of them hoped for.

**_A/N:_** I know I should be writing out that other chapter of _Broken Strings_ or _Conflicting Danger_, but at the suggestion to write a VD story for Mediator by _**Aparul** _and another for a different fandom, I just couldn't resist. So thanks for the push girlie, I hope you like it!

This was the idea that instantly came to me when I thought of our favourite couple. The first two parts are Jesse's POV; the second half is Suze's. **:)** I haven't put it as complete because no doubt I'll be adding another chapter to it in the future. And I'm sorry if it seems rushed or anything. I only had 24 hours to get this and my other one written in time for today.

I hope you enjoy, Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Love and hugs! Please review.

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_The room is empty, the lights are dim and my heart wonders, if I'll ever see you again._

* * *

_**Crashed Into You**_

As I sat in the coffee-shop looking around at the other people filling the hectic atmosphere, I felt a heavy press on my heart. Everywhere I looked I seemed to be assaulted with couples and declarations of love and cupid symbols. There was one couple sitting the corner booth, hands held between them gazing over the cups of their forgotten coffee, lost in each other. It was in the smile of the woman behind the counter as she decorated the sugary heart-shaped cookie with icing, a far-away expression on her face.

Not to mention the delivery man holding a large bouquet of roses, a big smile on his face for another customer receiving the mandatory flowers for someone on this specific day. His smile wasn't forced as he passed over the roses to the laughing girl who had just come out of the back to be greeted with the gift. From an admirer? A boyfriend? Who knew, but I turned away from the display, one thing abundantly clear as I felt the vibration of my pager go off clipped to my jean pocket.

I was beginning to hate Valentine's Day.

It didn't have anything to do with the failed relationships I'd found myself in over the years, I told myself as I checked my pager, finding there to be an emergency at the hospital. It wasn't because the holiday was over-done and sickly sweet, I decided as I threw my paper on the table and shrugged into my jacket. And it wasn't because I didn't have that special someone to share it with, every other person seemed to have, I swore as I stepped out into the frigid cold of New York, looking around for a taxi to flag down.

I stepped up to the curb, looking around for the bright yellow cab New York was littered with. But as seemed to be following the bad luck of my day already, not one came to me as I waved my arm trying to get one. "This day is shaping up to be even better," I muttered to myself as I raised my fingers to my lips, eliciting a shrill high-pitched whistle. "Taxi!" I yelled out the same time I heard a woman call.

I didn't bother looking around me as the car I hailed pulled up to the curb, my hand just reaching for the door handle when someone else did the same on the other side.

"Excuse me, this is my taxi," The woman said to me across the top of the cab. Her voice etched with barely controlled annoyance at my sudden interference and disrespect, expecting me to back down. "I just called it." She remarked, shifting her bag across her shoulders in a move that told of tension and nervousness.

"Sorry ma'am, you're mistaken; I was the one who just called for this cab. I'm in a hurry and I need it. I'm sorry, I'm sure if you wait a few seconds another one will come along." I placated politely, giving her an apologetic smile. Her green eyes flashed with something, raising her shaped eyebrow at me. She licked her lips drawing my eyes down to her full mouth, before I tore them away, slightly shocked with myself.

"_I'm_ going to have to wait?" She asked sarcastically before shaking her head, determination set in the straightening of her shoulders. She had confidence she was going to win the battle we had found ourselves in, which made my own stubbornness ignite. "Look, guy, I'm in a hurry myself, I have an emergency and I don't have the time to wait for another taxi. So if you could be a gentleman . . .?" Although her tone clearly said she doubted it.

"I too have an emergency, hence why I'm in a hurry." I said, watching slightly fascinated as she pressed her lips together, biting back on her frustrated retort. Any other time and I would have conceded the cab to her out of politeness. But this wasn't any other time. "I have to have this one."

The woman was about to retort with another come-back when the drivers head came out of the window at an awkward angle and glared at us both. "Will you just decide already? I could have done another stop by now. If you haven't heard it _is_ Valentine's Day. Unlike you too, I do _have_ a life." And he disappeared back in the car, leaving the woman and myself glaring at the space he was just occupying.

"Look I don't want to be rude, but you're going to have to get another one. I _need_ this car; I don't have time to wait." The woman continued; her brows furrowed as her free hand clasped down on the top of the car in effect. I was wavering in letting her have it too, until I felt the buzzer of my pager in my hands only reminded me that whatever her emergency was, mine was more important.

Sighing with the amount of time it was taking just to decide a simple thing, I pushed aside propriety and asked. "Where are you going?"

"What?" She blandly enquired, tilting her head.

"Where are you going? Maybe it can drop one of us off if we're going in the same direction as one another. We may as well share it if we can't make a decision to whose going to have it. We're both in a hurry, so why don't we do each other a favor?" She looked almost horrified by the idea and stared at me for several seconds before she found her scathing voice again.

"You want me to share a cab with you?"

"Or you can get another one. Either way, I don't have the time to wait around for you to make a decision. He's not going to stick around much longer if we stand here having a debate about it." I pressed, trying not to tap my foot or raise my watch to see what the time was. Instead, I let my eyes skim over her features as she gazed up and down the road, looking for an answer. Tracing her small nose and wide green eyes with fascination. The shine to her shoulder-length hair, cut in what I was some kind of choppy layered style.

And then her expression was turned back to me, cutting me off.

"Fine. I'm going to Brookdale Hospital." She bit out, looking as though she was sucking a lemon. Even with her features twisted with a sour expression, it didn't take away from her natural beauty. And then I shook myself out of that thought for having it at such an inappropriate time. It was all the valentine messages flying around, I reasoned with myself. That's all it could be. I was getting it thrust into my face whether I liked it or not.

Raising my eyebrows at the run of luck she was going to the same place as I was, I shook myself out of my daze. "Perfect, I'm going to the same place. Let's go."

Not bothering to wait for her disbelief or question, I opened the door and slid onto my seat. The woman's door opened and delivered her seconds after. The driver muttered something under his breath causing the unknown woman to retaliate. "Cut the crap, we need to get to the Brookdale Hospital." She said, glaring through the plastic pock-holed shield before sitting back against the seat in a huff. Her brown canvas bag settled across her lap with her slim fingers worrying at the loose threads.

"Both of yous going to Brookdale?" The cabbie asked, even as he set off into the traffic. When I gave him a nod of confirmation he shook his head and made one last comment for the rest of the drive. "Hmph, must be fate."

The unknown woman rolled her eyes and tapped her free hand against her leg. I wondered what kind of emergency she was rushing too if it was at the hospital. But I wasn't feeling brave enough to ask. Instead I settled for making a formal introduction. She could choose to give me her name or not. I doubted it would have gone much further to make my day even better than it already was. As soon as we reached the hospital we'd be going in different directions anyway.

"Sorry about this," I started, drawing her eyes around to me. "I'm Jesse De Silva," I continued, giving a semblance of a smile she didn't return.

"Well I'm already sharing a cab with you I might as well give my name I guess," She muttered despondently, scouting through her bag distractedly. "Suze Simon," She said, carrying on when I raised the question of what it was short for. "Suze short for Susannah." She turned back to watching the traffic fly past us as the cabbie took corners a little too sharply and his speed a little too quick. "I'm going to the hospital; I don't want to end up _in _it. Wanna slow down a bit?" She asked hotly.

He slowed minutely to point out he heard her, but said nothing.

Susannah rolled her eyes again and looked back at me, her gaze flickering over my appearance. "Kinda convenient you going to the hospital too, don't you think?" She asked, saying what she had obviously wanted to say before I jumped in the cab and took away the chance.

"Just a stroke of luck, I guess," I said shrugging at her question. "You can't be too threatened by having to share a cab with me, you did agree after all." She raised her brow at that. "Are you always this pleasant to strangers or do I get special treatment for trying to nick the taxi I called first?" I smiled to take the edge off my words, even going so far as to see a small tilting of the corners of her lips at my question.

I was feeling quite proud of myself by this point as I sat back and waited for her answer. Whatever her emergency was, it had left her tensed and pushed to snapping point. I didn't want to be the one of the receiving end of that tirade. I was counting my luck for getting away with such an offer of sharing the taxi in the first place. I certainly didn't want to push the feisty Susannah too far.

"A bit of both," Susannah smirked lightly, not giving me anymore than that.

I nodded and turned away, trying to relax for the rest of the journey before I was plunged into an emergency I still wasn't sure it was for. No doubt some idiotic person caught in the aftermath of a romantic stunt gone wrong. I'd seen too many of those over the years and I didn't appreciate my day off being interrupted by one. Even if I was warming up to the unexpected company and that I hadn't wanted the day off in the beginning. According to my 'friends' at the hospital, I needed the day off to enjoy the day with that special someone.

When I pointed out I didn't have a special someone, they only remarked I should use the time to find one. And my eyes swivelled back to Susannah when that memory came back.

I turned my attention to emergency mode as we pulled up in front of A&E, Susannah and I swinging our doors open at the same time and throwing money for the fare through both windows as we marched off to the entrance. Susannah's quickened pace trying to match my long strides through the hustle and bustle around reception as we walked up to the desk. I saw Susannah stiffen out the corner of my eye as I got addressed first.

"Morning, Doctor." The receptionist Claire greeted me with a silky smile I had learned to ignore over the time I had been working at Brookdale, taking the paper-work she handed me with a nod. Susannah still standing at my side raised her eyebrows as she looked me over again. A new realization to chew on as she found out the truth of why I was here. But she didn't do what most women do when they hear I'm a doctor. Susannah just turned away, talking to a distracted Claire as I left them to it.

Walking away from Susannah Simon I glanced back only once seeing her march down a corridor in the opposite direction of myself. My brows furrowed releasing a heavy sigh as I watched her disappear from sight.

xXx

I sighed with relief at getting to leave for the rest of the day, cradling the Styrofoam cup in my hands, inhaling the warm fumes of the coffee I brought from the cafeteria, to replace the one I had to abandon back the coffee-shop. Shaking off the irksome feelings for being brought in for something minor and hardly worth an emergency page; I pushed open the double doors from the commissary and headed for the elevators. Pressing the call button I took a sip of my very hot coffee.

Only to choke and feel it burn my throat when the elevator doors opened to reveal the subject of my wandering thoughts while I was attending to the emergency; Susannah Simon, lounging against the back wall of the lone elevator.

She raised her eyebrows in surprise when she lifted her head and saw who the elevator had stopped for. I tried blinking past the sudden tears coming to my eyes as the coffee seared my throat and I suppressed the coughs building in my chest from choking. She connected her eyes with mine; both unable took away from each other, causing the tension to build.

It was only broken when the doors started to close, my hand whipping out to stop them just in time. Making the split decision of taking the stairs or suffer the too small confines with the feisty woman, I stepped into the elevator, seeing the floor I wanted already lit.

"I didn't think you were going to get in for a second there," Susannah commented, raising her chin when I turned to look at her. "I don't bite that hard you know." Although she gave off a care-free stance and attitude, I thought I could sense a small un-comfortableness around her. Whether that was due to my presence or the moment before, I wasn't entirely sure. "I didn't mean to make you cry seeing me here, either."

This time I was the one who laughed, finally releasing the irritating cough I had yet to splutter from my hot drink. "No, you just made me choke on my coffee because I didn't expect to see you again. No harm done." Much to my surprise she laughed lightly, ducking her head with a light tint dusting her cheeks from my vantage point. I found it interesting, considering how brash and confident she was when we were bantering over the cab.

But I soon realized I've seen people react to emergencies in different ways and Susannah Simon's behaviour was no different. At least she seemed more relaxed now.

"How bad was your emergency?" I asked before I could stop myself. I mentally kicked myself for asking such a personal enquiry to fill the void, when Susannah turned to me with raised brows at my up-front question. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that. Just pretend I didn't just put my foot in it." I turned back to facing the metal doors, wondering why nothing and everything seemed to be working in my favor with Susannah, when I noticed we still hadn't stopped to let anyone on.

"It wasn't as bad as it could be," Susannah said breaking the potentially awkward silence, causing me to jerk my head in her direction startled she would actually answer my question. "It was my best friend, Gina. She had a run in with a car because she wasn't looking where she was going as usual. She's okay though it only clipped her. She got away with a sprained ankle, but the doctors want to keep her in overnight just to be sure she's not suffering from a concussion or anything."

"They'll take good care of her here." I reassured Susannah, seeing the relief that it was something minor. "She's in more than capable hands."

"I know, I'm not worried about her," She answered, suddenly filling the air with a light laughter again. "Gina fully intends on making the most of having handsome doctors at her beck and call for the rest of the day and night. As she put it, _'Valentine's Day is looking up'_. It's the doctors I feel sorry for." She remarked wryly, making me wonder just what her best friend was like as she turned to look at me again. "How bad was yours? Your emergency I mean."

"It was superficial. Nothing to warrant a need for me to come in really. It was just another fool trying to do something 'romantic' for their partner," I shook my head at the senses of some people and carried on. "Valentine's Day seems to get more out of hand and ridiculous each year it rolls around."

"Tell me about it," Susannah commented.

I turned with a sympathetic look, finding someone else who obviously disliked the holiday as much as I did. But Susannah was gazing at the floor, her shoulders stiff with tension again. I went to offer some comfort but the sound and feel of the elevator coming to a stop with the doors opening to release us, made me put it to the back of my mind. I gestured for Susannah to step out first as I followed after.

I was a step or two behind Susannah as we walked past the reception desk and out into the cold February air. I zipped my coat up to my neck trying to block out the chill, cursing myself for my lack of foresight to bring a scarf with me when I stepped out my door this morning. But very grateful for the hot coffee still in my hand with its rising steam and strong aroma.

Susannah came to a stop, rubbing her cold hands together to ward off the chill, looking down towards the entrance where we had pulled in while I pulled out my cell-phone and attempted to get a signal. I was loathed to walk back into reception and use the phone there to call a taxi, for fear Claire would strike up a conversation I wouldn't be able to get out of. I was wondering why I was using a phone that barely worked when I noticed the yellow taxi pull up in front of us.

Susannah walked around the waiting car, pausing with her hand on the silver metal handle before she looked up at me still standing there.

"Do you have a ride?" She asked, casually leaning across the car talking to me. A little taken a-back by her question I shook my head, raising my phone to say I was going to call my own taxi when she cut me off. "Want to share a cab with me then?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise, seeing the faint blush across her pink cheeks. But that could have been from the cold. "Call it a peace-offering for me being a little bitchy earlier."

Never look a gift horse in the mouth, my mother would say as I smiled, touched by her offer.

"Are you sure don't mind? I can always risk getting cornered by Claire and call for my own taxi." I commented, gesturing behind me to the reception of A&E. Susannah laughed and told me to jump in, so I happily stepped up and shared the car with her again. I was slamming the door closed just as Susannah gave her address to the driver.

"He can swing by wherever it is you're going first if you want?" She asked, sitting back from the window to look at me.

"It's okay; we're going past your place first. I don't mind sitting back and enjoying the warm car for a while." I said, making a point of lounging back in the seat, stretching my long legs out as far as I could. Susannah watched me with an equally warm smile before we fell into a comfortable silence as we left the hospital behind. I snuck glances over at her every now and again, noticing how relaxed and at ease she seemed the second time around.

But was that because of the relief for her friend? Or was she as comfortable with my company, as I was with hers? Again, I didn't know. But I wanted to find out.

xXx

I could feel Jesse's eyes skipping over to me every now and again the whole cab ride home. It wasn't an uncomfortable feeling, just more like he had something to say but didn't quite know how to say it. At least the atmosphere was more comfortable then the first time I had to share a cab with him. I was still asking myself what the hell I was thinking sharing a car with someone I didn't even know. I must have been crazy to get into a car with him twice! He could have been anyone.

But . . . I don't know, something told me I had nothing to fear from him. Jesse was right, I wasn't threatened by him, I would have put him on his ass by now if I was.

What did I know about the man sitting next to me? Other than he's a doctor and has Spanish origins that his thick accent made me break out into goose bumps when I first heard. A doctor with thick glossy black hair I wanted nothing more than to run my hands through to see if it was as soft as it looked. Not to mention his scarred eyebrow my eyes kept catching when he'd raise them. But that was just his appearance. A damn good-looking man that had manners I thought were dead in men.

But I still don't _know_ him. Looks can be deceiving after all. I wouldn't have guessed he was a doctor standing on the other side of the car this morning. His build and the obvious muscles he was packing beneath that brown tweed jumper and black leather jacket, I'd have put him down as more of a fire-man than a doctor! But there I was, shocked and startled when the flirty receptionist called him by his title. A receptionist all but drooling over him, while he stood there and blatantly ignored her 'come-hither' looks and smiles. So he also happened to be a good-looking man who wasn't arrogant about his irresistible looks.

That was another surprise I wasn't expecting.

When I told Gina all this after I got over my rant at her for not being careful, she exclaimed I was mental for not getting his number. _'Jesus Simon, what were you doing bitching at him for? It sounds like you just met the perfect guy!_ I had to sit through. When I pointed out I was in a rush to get to _her_ she just scoffed and threw me a crazy look, shaking her head in pity. I dropped it after that, because she was right of course. I was just knocked over by his . . . sincerity, I guess.

But it didn't stop me from feeling the guilt as I sat in the uncomfortable hospital chair, watching Gina unashamedly flirt with her doctor. It only reminded of the delectable Spanish stranger.

There's a word for men like Jesse, I decided as we pulled up to my apartment block; unpredictable. But in a good way that makes you go back for more because you want to know what they do next. Which made me wonder why he was so off Valentine's Day? Not that I was much better, but the guy must have woman flocking to him. It sounded a little more than just the uncomfortable awareness of how single you are when this day comes around.

"See you around," I said to Jesse with a smile when we came to a stop, climbing out of the cab when he gave me a nod back. I leaned through the open window giving my fare to the driver and turned to my steps. That was it, no heart-felt goodbyes. No, it's been nice or swapping of numbers. Just a cold February afternoon where I was supposed to feel light as a feather and overwhelmed with emotion to celebrate the day of love. It was just as crock and a disappointment.

"Susannah,"

I turned at the sound of Jesse calling my name stepping out of the car, leaving the door open. He stepped forward to meet me at the bottom of the steps where I stood one up from him. It wasn't as if he had to crane his neck, he was beyond six foot as it was. "Did I leave something in the car?" I asked him, wondering why he'd call out to me so randomly.

"No. I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me tonight?" He asked boldly, his dark brown eyes I could happily drown in never wavering while he waited for me.

I blinked a couple of times trying to get past the shock of his question. One I hadn't seen coming, which just proved my point about Jesse; unpredictable. "You're taking a leap asking me out. We don't even know each other." I hedged surprised my night wasn't going to turn out with me nursing my bruised ego for a few days, because I let the perfect guy slip through my fingers before moving on and adding it to missed chances. He barely knew me, and he wanted me to spend the evening with him?

Jesse shrugged one of his broad shoulders in an effortless movement. "Well I know you share a dislike for Valentine's Day as I do. I don't have any plans, so why don't we spend the night hating it together?" He asked. "And you're right; I am taking a leap because this isn't exactly something I've done before. Asked a woman out on a date I've barely spoken to. But I'm willing to take the chance for one night if you are." He was putting himself out there, on the off chance I could laugh in his face and tell him where to go.

I really would be a cold-hearted bitch for doing to him, what I would be terrified of experiencing myself in his shoes.

"Sure, okay, why not," I answered a little bubble of anticipation making me get butterflies, giving him a small encouraging smile when I saw the relief in his shoulders relaxing. Just how much courage did that just take him to ask me that? "Just tell me when and where and I'll meet you there." That way, it gave me the chance to back out if I didn't want to go, or talked myself out of it. A call to Gina was going to have to be in order before I did anything else.

He gave me a smile that was brighter than the others, showing his straight white teeth. "Great, do you know where the Far East Fusion is?" He asked, waving behind him at the impatient cabbie. I nodded, it was near one of the favourite bars Gina and I frequented. A small and intimate Chinese restaurant. "Meet there about 7.30?" He asked, backtracking to the taxi still beeping.

I laughed at him not watching where he was going. "Yeah, I'll see you there."

He flashed me one brighter grin and jumped in the open door of the taxi, slamming it closed. I turned to go back up the stairs when his taxi drove away, unlocking the foyer doors and collecting my mail from my box before climbing the stairs to my second floor apartment. All the while, I was seriously questioning my sanity for accepting a date with a guy I had only spoken to a handful of times.

Sure, I've been out on dates with guys I barely know. But I usually let them make the effort to prove why I should go out with them. I don't want to be talking to someone who tells me his life story all evening, boring me to tears. But it was kind of different with Jesse. And really, what could one night hurt? I just wouldn't be watching and eating anything that reminds me of the love stuck day. No cursing and thinking bad thoughts about my past loser boyfriends, or the guy that first broke my heart and started it all, all night.

I was going out on a real date, with a real genuine guy. And just like that, as someone snapped their fingers hypnotizing me, the doubt set in. Was I doing the right thing going out with a virtual stranger? Was I doing it because I didn't want to be along on Valentine's Day, envious of all the others who had plans for the big night? And then Jesse's words came back to me.

_'I'm willing to take the chance if you are_?'

xXx

I was trying not to let my nerves get the better of me as I walked up to the restaurant Jesse asked me to meet him at, ten minutes later then he asked. But I was late for two reasons. One, a girl is always late for a date. I mean I didn't want to seem too eager or anything. And two, I was having trouble talking myself into moving out of the door. It was just dinner. No strings, no hidden depths just a simple dinner. I repeated that to myself as I walked through the door, the instant aroma of oriental cuisine hitting my tingling sense, making my stomach growl.

Gina had asked me why I was so nervous. But it was simple. Because I was going to dinner with a guy I only met this morning where we were close to having a full blown argument over a taxi. I don't even know when my annoyance and frustration with him had disappeared to be replaced with butterflies and eagerness to share my cab with him. He could have originally just gotten in the car and driven away leaving me there. But he didn't. He tired to be polite and civil about it.

More than I'd been anyway.

I looked around the darkened place with its reds, gold's and creams decor. One of too few places that weren't teeming with hearts and bow and arrows from fat chubby cupids. I saw many tables through the archway into the dining area, most of them empty. My eyes swivelled to the sound of someone laughing by the bar, falling on the broad back and crisp black hair of Jesse. Who was holding a bottle of beer in his hand, talking to the barman.

Taking a deep breath and shrugging out of my coat so I was standing in my dark denim jeans, feeling good with my favourite pair of high-heeled boots. Not wanting to look too casual, I'd stuck my black satin sequin top to finish it off. A top that clung to my curves in all the right places and felt good to wear. I'd moved aside the dresses and skirts. I'd have frozen before I'd even reached the restaurant. I brushed off imaginary lint and started for the bar, zeroing in on how great he made his dark faded denim jeans look. Or how perfect the white shirt with its rolled sleeves to his elbows set off his gorgeous tan.

Sensing my gaze Jesse turned finally seeing me. I sucked in a breath when I noticed the open shirt showing me peaks of his equally tanned chest, flawless chest. Dragging my eyes back up, I spotted his smile creating a dimple in his right cheek. The only boyish appearance I could pin on him. The rest was pure, unpredictable male goodness. I noticed the muscles in his arm bunch as he moved to put his beer down to greet me properly.

"Hey, worried I was going to stand you up?" I asked reaching out to tentatively take his offered hand, flushing when he leaned in to brush a brief kiss across my cheek. I inhaled the strong but not too overwhelming scent of his cologne.

"More wondering if you were going to take the chance with a stranger," He retorted, stepping back and releasing my hand, sweeping his gaze over my outfit. His eyes came back to my face within seconds. "You look great, Susannah." I blinked at the use of my full name. I thought he'd just called me that before because he was trying to get my attention. Sure, I haven't met any other Suze's in New York. But he'd never offered an alternative other than my full name either. "What drink would you like?"

I stepped up to the bar, laying my cream woollen coat over a stool, peering at the choice, but just settling with something simple. "Sweet white wine, please." The barman nodded, turning back to do his order. "I'm sorry I'm late, I was trying to shake off the doubt if this was a good idea or not." Jesse chuckled and I wondered why the hell I told him so much truth. Instead of a little white lie like the bus was late or something less revealing then what I'd just said.

Jesse was turning my brain to mush already.

"It's okay; I was trying not to let the disappointment creep in that you wouldn't show. After-all, we didn't exactly meet under normal circumstances," He commented, blinking a couple of times before he shook his head, looking down at the bottle of beer in his hand. I tried not to laugh at the thought of Jesse having the same problem with not being brutally honest like I was and gave him a sympathetic glance. If anything it just put me at ease and broke the ice.

"You ready to eat?"

"Yeah, food sounds good," Jesse led me away from the bar and into the dining area where there was a group of girls giggling and laughing over their drinks, obviously celebrating Valentine's Day just as single as the rest of us. But I bristled at the admiring looks they gave Jesse as he walked me over to a small table in the corner. He pulled out my chair for me, surprising me even more. "Oh, thanks. And here I thought chivalry was dead." I smiled letting him drape my coat across the back of the chair.

"Not in every male," He winked, sitting down across from me.

And that was it. With the honesty and the nerves out there, the conversation just flowed for the rest of the evening. We'd both obviously been questioning why or how we'd got where we were, sitting across from one another. But neither of us openly said anything. I didn't pay any attention to the other people coming and going over the hours I sat there with Jesse, chatter constantly flowing between us. The food was delicious and the company was even better.

I learned about his family, of his closeness to his sisters and parents, even with them living in California. He told me stories of what they're all like answering my questions of what it was like having such a big family. And I told him about my mom and dad; and about being a lone child. And that Gina was more than my best friend. She was like my sister. We swapped the pros and cons of having siblings and being on your own. In the end we both decided we wouldn't change any of it.

We both obviously had different backgrounds, raised in differnet ways and environments. But it didn't make either of us feel small or insignificant. Jesse had a way of dropping to your level whether he could understand or not.

He asked me about my crazy best friend, where I told him she was the one girl who has been there for me through everything. Of the highs and lows friendships go through over so many years. How she threatened to beat the crap out of the guy who broke my heart in college, but is the first to try and shove me into a blind date. I told him some of the horror stories we used to get up to when we were young and reckless.

And most shocking of all; Jesse listened to it all.

He didn't interrupt me once, but listened and soaked up every last word I said. He was polite and charming the whole night. He was the perfect gentleman and just showed me what it was the other men in the past were lacking. We shared fortune cookies getting stupid and ridiculous messages that were good to have a laugh over. I even tried my first taste of Sake, swearing I wasn't ever touching it again, downing my wine just to get rid of the taste. It was the most relaxed and care-free first date I'd ever been on.

Shame it was going to be the last.

When I eventually noticed the time and the emptying restaurant, I had to come back down to reality and remember where I was. "It's getting late I should really go. I promised Gina I'd go and see her in the morning; hopefully they'll be releasing her." Jesse nodded, picking up the small dish with the tab. "Here, let me put some money toward that – "

"Not a chance, put your money away. I'll pay for the dinner, _querida_," Jesse cut me off, reaching out to lay a hand over mine stalling me from getting my purse out. A shiver raced through me when I got past the feel of his hand on mine and remembered what he said. He didn't seem aware he'd said it so I held back asking what it meant. It sounded so . . . _personal_. "I was the one who invited you to dinner, don't bruise my ego." He grinned, so I nodded pulling my hand away.

"Back in a minute."

I watched him walk across the dining area, my eyes watching his every move. _Querida_? I sighed taking my eyes away from where he stood paying the bill. I was going to have that word echoing through my head for the rest of the night and following week probably. Curiosity always was my downfall and would probably be if I looked up the word I didn't even know how to spell and find out the truth. Maybe it was best left forgotten, like our one night together was going to be.

"Ready to go?"

I jumped at the very deep, very masculine voice drawling in my ear. More surprised by the pleasant humming through me then the actual surprise of him being so close. The closeness I liked. A lot. More than I should have done. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you jump," He grinned apologetically, pulling my chair back letting me out. I waved off his apology, turning to see him with my jacket open and ready. "Here."

Ever the gentleman.

"Thanks for the dinner and a good night," I said casually, making a show of buttoning up my jacket when he smiled and reached out to lay a curl back over my shoulder. His fingers absently playing with the ends for a few seconds before he realized what he was doing and dropped it. I waited for Jesse to shrug into his own jacket, wrapping a scarf around his neck to ward off the chill and promise of coming snow. He walked me over to the door, but we were stopped before we got through it.

"Jesse!" The barman called out, running up to us. "You forget these," He held out two fortune cookies in the palm of each hand, gesturing for us to take one each. Reluctantly I did, fingering the red foiled packet in my hand. He bowed his head to us, grinning. "Enjoy the rest of your Valentine's." And he was gone, leaving us speechless by the door, fortune cookies in hand.

"That was weird. Must be because it's Valentine's Day or something," Jesse pondered before moving to open the door for me. "What do you say to sharing a cab with me? Once more for old time's sake. It would seem a shame to not end the night without it." I giggled and blushed at the memory of the first cab drive and quickly nodded my head in agreement. Watching as he hailed a cab with ease.

"Why not," I murmured, pulling my coat closer around me as the cab pulled up to the curb and Jesse opened the door for me. "Thanks," I said again, sliding in to the warm interior, sliding across the seat so Jesse could get in. It felt even smaller and more cozy sitting in the back of the car at night. The lights and life of the 'City that never sleeps' gliding past in a soothing rocking to the car. I looked at Jesse when I felt his hand reach over and hold mine lightly. I didn't shy away from the touch, but I wasn't sure what to make of it either.

All too soon the cab had pulled up at the curb of my block again. Jesse asked the driver to wait as I climbed out of the car and walked up to my steps. Jesse came around from his side, meeting me as I stood before him. "Thank you for taking the chance and having dinner with me tonight, Susannah. I really enjoyed myself." He said, removing a piece of hair that had gotten stuck to my lips.

"Yeah, I did too. It was nice to meet you stranger," I said as carefully as possible. "Happy Valentine's Day, Jesse." I stepped forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek, giving him a smile before I turned and walked up my steps leaving Jesse to turn around and get back in the car. I buried through my pockets for my keys, listening to the cab door shut and drive away. I didn't turn around when I finally got the right key in the door. And I didn't get my hopes up when I heard a car screech to a stop a couple of yards down my road.

But in the end, I really had no choice.

"Susannah!"

I quickly turned hearing Jesse's familiar shout, watching him run to my steps climbing them two at a time to reach me. I parted my lips in surprise and to ask him what he was doing. But that question and anything else was gone the moment Jesse's large tanned hands cupped my face so gently and kissed me. A slow, tender kiss that left me gripping his jacket in my hands sighing at his gentle touch and caress, his tongue skimming across my lips asking entrance I automatically gave him.

I stood there at the top of the steps of my home, my hand wrapped around the back of his neck melting in his arms sharing the best kiss I had ever experienced with someone I still, barely knew.

His hands had left my face seconds after we'd fallen into the unbelievable kiss, to wander down my back. He left me breathless with shock and wanting to feel and know more of him. In one simple kiss that definitely didn't feel like a goodbye as we slowed and came up for air. The tenderness in that one intimate moment had shaken me to my core. I was trembling in his arms as his dark black eyes gazed at me with affection.

"Just in-case it's _not_ fate." He breathed.

Jesse brushed a quick kiss to my swollen, tingly lips and disappeared down the steps just as quickly as he bounded up them. Jumping in the taxi and taking off so quickly, I thought I'd imagined the whole day and night, including that kiss that was going to be haunting my dreams for the rest of my life. Knowing who exactly would be on the answering end to those fantasies I'd never get away from.

I finally blinked through the daze when a cold breeze blew over me, making me dig through my pockets for my keys that were hanging in the door. I felt something cool and crinkly in my deep cream pocket that turned out to be my free fortune cookie from the restaurant. Glancing up once at the taxi that was out of sight, I teased open the packaging, snapping the cookie in half as I pulled out the slip of paper with one small black phrase written on it.

_'Soon life will become more interesting_,'

"_'It must be fate,'_" I murmured, echoing the first cabbie's words from this morning, looking back down at the strip of paper in my hand. A slow soft smile creeping across my face when I slipped the paper into my pocket, popping half of the cookie in my mouth. I turned the key and disappeared into the foyer going up to my apartment. Even as I laid in bed that night, feeling too good to sleep, replaying the kiss over and over again; I wondered if I would ever see Jesse De Silva again. Who knows?

Either way, I decided as I turned over snuggling into my bed; it had shaped up to be the best Valentine's Day, yet.

* * *

_I'll be waiting; I'll be watching under a blue moon, the taste of heaven, only happens, once in a blue moon._

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	2. True

_**A/N – **_Hey everyone still interested in this story! *Sheepishly smiles* I have a couple of reasons why this story hasn't been updated since February. One; because I had writer's block with it. That two; led me to forgetting about it. So I'm really sorry. But thank you very much for your patience. Especially when it comes to this chapter. I just woke up, sat and wrote it. But I hope some of it is reasonably okay, lol. Thank you so much for the reviews, faves and alerts with it! It's what's made me pick the story up and dust it off. :) I hope its okay, please review. *Hugs for all*

And the lyrics aren't mine.

* * *

_I'm weak, it's true, 'cause I'm afraid to know the answer; do you want me too? 'Cause my heart keeps falling faster..._

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_**True**_

I walked through the halls of the hospital after my short, stand-in shift for someone, clutching an unnecessary chart in my hand as I looked around me, wondering again if what I was about to do, was the right thing to do. It didn't quite sit right with me. It was an invasion of privacy for one thing; and almost immoral. But ever since our date the night before, non-celebrating Valentine's Day together, I just couldn't do _nothing_ to make an effort to see Susannah again. The kiss I initiated at the last minute . . . I'd tried to get my head around it the whole way home. The driver even smirked at me in the rear-view mirror and I couldn't help but grin back and shake my head out of the daze.

It had been even more perfect than I had expected.

Not only did I take the plunge and ask her out on a date she more than accepted. I put myself out there, more than prepared to get laughed at like I almost believed I would be. But when she had said yes, all but making my face split apart from relief and a barely restrained excitement, I just knew the connection we had in just two scant meetings wasn't my imagination. The rest of the night and the kiss only reinforced that belief. And I had spent the better portion of the night and my first few early hours of my shift trying to decide how I was going to somehow see Susannah again.

And that was when I remembered what she had said about her hospitalized friend, Gina not getting discharged until the next day. And suddenly it all seemed a little brighter. I didn't want to seem like a stalker to Susannah. But at the same time, I knew she wanted to see me again as much as I wanted to see her. It's not every day I have the opportunity of a beautiful, intriguing woman like Susannah walk into my life. And as much as I don't know about her, I'm more than willing to use my initiative to see her again and see if we can develop it. Even if she just wishes to be friends.

When I looked up I was surprised to find myself closer to Ms Augustin's room than I realized. I could hear voices drifted out to me from the door propped ajar and the sounds of laughter. Intrigued at what was going on behind the door, I walked up and lightly rapped my knuckles, leaving it a few seconds before I stuck my head around the door and caught sight of a doctor, a male nurse and Susannah's friend, all smiling and beckoning me in. Stepping around the door I nodded at Gina sitting up in bed, a smirk dancing across her face. I glanced between them all, picking up on the light atmosphere surrounding them.

"Dr. De Silva," The male nurse nodded to me before smiling at Gina and walking around me to leave the room.

"_Dr. De Silva_?" Gina questioned quickly, her smirk suddenly widening along with her eyes. She pulled herself to sit up in bed more fully and looked me over. "As in_, Jesse_?" She carried on. I could feel my friend Brian's eyes darting between us both, curiosity burning the air. Not just from them, but myself too. Obviously Susannah had mentioned something to her friend about me. I just had to wonder what and why. Although, I had my suspicions as to the latter. "You're the guy that nicked my friends cab yesterday, aren't you?"

I felt the blood rush to my face at that estimate and ignored Brian's snort. "I didn't 'nick' Susannah's taxi, Ms Augustin. We shared it as I recall," I answered, stepping into the room more fully, the chart I was still holding passing from one hand to another. "Susannah told me of your accident. How are you feeling?" I asked, turning the conversation away when I saw her wink. Finally realizing she was doing nothing but teasing me. "I know Susannah was worried about you yesterday." I continued making senseless talk that wasn't really necessary. I just wanted to fill the void and her hard penetrating stare on me.

"I'm okay. Hey_, here's_ an idea! You're a doctor; maybe _you_ can help convince _Dr. Jones_ here that I need to stay in longer. He wants to get rid of me," She pouted, batting her eyelashes at my friend and colleague, whose real name is actually Brian Anderson. But I got the sense she was also teasing him too. And he didn't appear to be completely immune to it either. Susannah told me Gina would be driving the doctors here wild. And I was starting to see why. "I think I might have suffered a concussion after-all. You wouldn't want me to go away and get hurt again would you?"

"There's nothing wrong with you, Ms Augustin," He chuckled crossing his arms over his chest in a weak display of guarding himself from her flirting.

"Spoil sport," She winked. I covered my laugh with a choke, ducking my head to hide my humor. This only seemed to be making her worse. "I was going to send you a fruit basket as thanks for taking such good care of me. I don't think I'll bother now," She sniffed, casting a glance to me. "Maybe you and Suze can share it, Dr. De Silva." She coyly grinned. This time it was my face that was flaming and Brian that was openly laughing at me. Gina looked extremely smug with herself too. Raising a hand to my jaw I scratched it and dropped my eyes.

"As much fun as I'm having here, I still have other patients to see too. I'll be back with your discharge papers soon, Ms Augustin." Brian intoned. He nodded at Gina and shot me a glance as he came up to me; whispering, "Be careful with this one." Before patting me on the shoulder and closing the door behind him. When I turned back, Gina was narrowing her eyes at me.

"So, let me take a wild guess why you're here, Jesse," She started, throwing the blankets covering her back and swinging her legs out and off the side of the bed. She was wearing sweatpants, but I could still see the bandage covering her ankle and wrapped around her foot peeking through the bottom. She waved me over and much to my better judgement that was telling me to turn around and leave, I walked over. "You want to know about, Suze. Because you want to see her again, am I right?"

I swallowed audibly and scratching my chin again. "Yes, that's right."

If her smirk wasn't scaring me before, her genuine smile definitely did. "Great!" She clapped, moving about to get herself more comfortable again. "She told me all about your cab-sharing adventure yesterday you know. And about your date. It's a girl thing," She waved off when I raised my eyebrows. "I knew something was up before she even told me. Mainly because she wouldn't stop smiling this morning. So you want to see her again, huh?" She asked, speaking everything for me. I shifted uncomfortably on my feet and met her stare head on.

"Yes I do," I boldly declared. Chuckling a little I shook my head. "Susannah is . . . definitely amazing. So yes, I am here for your help. If you don't mind giving it."

"Hell no! After the shit-eating grin she was wearing, I got no problem with it," She confirmed, relaxing me just the slightest bit. "She said you didn't make any plans again last night, so you need a way to casually bump into her again," Gina said, seeming to think aloud. "She's supposed to be taking her cousin's son to the American Museum of Natural History today. That would be a great place to start. Although . . . hanging out with a kid too isn't exactly date material – "

"No, actually that's perfect," I cut her off, much to her surprise. "I have the feeling she would enjoy the company," I smiled, the idea growing in my mind without much effort. I glanced down at my watch hoping I would have the time to run home, shower and shave. "What time is she supposed to be taking him?" I asked, glancing up and already back-pedalling to the door.

"Um, about 11 o'clock I think. Suze'll be tearing her hair out with the kid alone, but you sure? There are other times you can bump into her you know." She argued, just to be certain. I stopped walking and opened my mind a bit more. Susannah spoke very highly of Gina the night before. Telling me that they are as close as best friends can be. And the way Gina was helping me, was something I took great pride in. That I had obviously made a good enough impression, that Gina was willing to help me 'bump into' Susannah. "Jesse?"

"It's fine, Ms Augustin, honestly. Thank you for all your help!" I grinned, turning to leave the room.

But she was soon calling me back. "Jesse wait!" I spun around and looked at her. "Take this, it's my phone number. If you need any-more help, call me. I can give you a head's up more. Oh and one more thing," She continued as I stepped forward and took the slip of paper she had torn from a receipt and written her number on as she spoke. "Call me Gina, okay?"

Slipping the piece of paper into my pocket, I nodded. "Thank you, Gina." Spinning back around I left the room. My anxious steps carrying me back down the hall to sign-off from my shift. My grin I was sporting, I suspected was just as it was last night, after I kissed Susannah.

A moment I couldn't wait to experience again.

xXx

_Keep calm. You will not snap. You are in control._

I'm pretty sure those words of calm were supposed to work if I actually believed them! Daniel, my cousin's son was driving me mad without really having to do anything and I was seriously regretting the decision to take him out for the day. I didn't want to be stuck inside with him for hours and I didn't want to take him to the park or something in-case I lost him. Like the Museum Of Natural History would be any better, I rolled my eyes at myself. But I was holding out the hope the giant bone structure of a T-Rex and the like would hold his eight year old attention long enough for me not to give up, call his folks and ask for an exchange. If I hadn't have promised I'd look after him weeks ago, I would have cancelled.

"Can I have a hotdog?" He asked, tugging on my sleeve. I took a deep breath and said no. "Can I have a balloon?" He prodded. Again, I took a deep breath and said no. "Can I have a Coke?" He whined, kicking my shoe with his. And seeing as I was wearing wedge heels, he skipped the shoe bit and kicked me in the ankle instead. "Mommy said you have to buy me whatever I want. And I want a hotdog, a balloon and a Coke. Now!" He demanded, stomping his foot hard.

Letting out the deep breathes I'd been taking; I bent down and looked at him. "Your Mom said for me to sit with you for the day. She never said anything about buying you whatever you want, Daniel. Now quit with the tantrum, or we'll go back to my apartment and you can have the fun task of organising my shoe collection by colour and design. Got it?" I asked sweetly.

But all he did was pull the face that meant a killer tantrum I was trying to stop, was about to start and I was going to be deafened.

"Oh for crying out loud! Fine, you can have a hotdog. But don't blame me if you don't feel well," I grumbled, marching over to the vendor near the bottom of the steps and asked for a medium hot-dog with no sauce and no onions. "I can't believe this," I felt him come to a stop behind me and stiffened. If my day was going to keep going this way, where I give in every two seconds, I'm going to be broke before the months through. I took the hotdog from the vendor guy with thanks, pulling out my notes and paying for it. "Don't say I never – "

The words died on my lips as I turned around to hand the hot-dog to Daniel, just to come face-to-face with the one guy that had been running through my mind on constant ever since he left me at the top of my steps after kissing me. The most perfect, amazing, blood-searing kiss in the history of mankind. I snapped my jaw shut and pulled my eyes away from his casual t-shirt and dark jeans, up to his stylishly scruffy, wavy hair. Would he notice if I just quickly ran my hand through it? I thought, wanting to do just that. But the small smile edging the corners of his thin, soft lips made that thought die before my hand really did do what it wanted to. I watched those same lips as he spoke to me.

"Do you always give in that easily?" He asked me teasingly, my eyes riveted to the movement of his mouth.

Maybe with you, I almost said. "Definitely not," I answered, finally snapping my eyes back up to his cool dark brown ones. "Didn't yesterday prove that?" I quipped, unable to resist. I wanted to shove the words back in my mouth and kick myself around Central Park. But luckily all he did was laugh, the sound so deep and warm, it shot through my body and made me want to drop the hot-dog and throw my arms around his neck. Reality check, Suze! My brain warned. Hardly know the guy! Although, he is a great kisser. Better than great. Soul-shaking good.

"Suze! What about my hotdog?" Daniel intervened, stepping between Jesse and me. Distance, good thing I told myself. I looked down at the kid and passed the hot-dog greasing up my hand to him. The time for wondering if it would have been smarter to give in to a balloon instead of junk-food already passed when he took a huge bite out of it and munched down happily. At least it kept him semi-quiet. He still managed to talk to Jesse around a mouthful of food. "Who're you?" He asked curiously. Quite polite for a kid talking with his mouth-full.

Jesse laughed again and got down to Daniel's level. "I'm Jesse," He answered, handing over a tissue I passed to him when Daniel got grease down his shirt. "I'm Susannah's friend. It's nice to meet you . . . ?" I filled in the blank and he continued. "Daniel. You're not giving my friend too much trouble are you?" He prodded.

Lowering the hotdog, Daniel wiped his mouth and shot a guilty look up at me before glancing back to Jesse. "Maybe just a little, Jesse," He said quietly, dropping his head. But two seconds later he shot back up with a grin before either Jesse or I could say anything. "Are you coming to the Museum too?" He asked excitedly. I cringed, waiting for not only Daniel to be disappointed, but me too. Turning around to find Jesse standing behind me was like clear Californian sunshine on my murky day; bright and irresistible. So I braced myself, laying a hand on Daniel's shoulder to offer my silent support for his rejection too.

"I'd love to, if Susannah doesn't mind," Jesse answered carefully, glancing up at me. If I'd have been eating that hotdog right then, I know I would have choked on it with that silent question. Jesse looked up at me with a raised eyebrow and Daniel grinned a gruesome teeth missing smile. Practically bouncing on his toes for me to say yes. And suddenly, it was _me _that could end up disappointing Daniel. And Jesse? "We promise to be good, don't we Daniel?" He continued, filling the awkward silence. His little side-kick nodded emphatically.

"With a tempting offer like that, how can I refuse," I smiled back, getting a sudden bear hug from Daniel and a secretive grin from Jesse as he climbed to his feet. When Daniel pulled away, he ran over to a bin and chucked over half of his hot-dog away before he came running back. "It's quite the coincidence you just happened to bump into me here, Jesse."

"I was walking past and happened to see you both," He shrugged, a coy smile making shivers race through me. Who cares if it was coincidental or not? I'd been replaying the kiss from the night before over and over _and_ wondering if or how I was going to see him again. Short of walking up to the hospital and wandering the halls in the hopes of seeing him, it seemed useless. But seeing him again, not even 24 hours after the kiss and . . . Well, it was the best surprise I've ever had. "Shall we go? I think a certain young boy wants to see the T-Rex waiting for him."

"Oh, just Daniel wants to see it does he?" I laughed, letting Jesse guide me up the steps with Daniel running on ahead. He didn't deny it and I didn't question it further. Boys will be boys, right? But just before we stepped into the museum, Jesse slipped his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers. When I glanced up at him, he just gave my hand a small squeeze and looked ahead. Biting my lip to hide my smile, I squeezed his hand back and left it the way it was.

"Come on you two!" Daniel called, jumping up and down on the spot.

"Last chance to back out," I quietly said to Jesse, pulling him to a stop.

His answer was to cup my cheek with his free warm hand and lean down to kiss me. Just a lingering meeting of the lips that pulled temptation out to the surface and coiled through my body. The connection between us as intense as it was the night before. I curled a hand around the back of his neck before he could pull away, making it last a little while longer. When I did let him go, my hand slowly falling down his shoulder and chest, he smirked. "I think I'll stick around for this one." He answered huskily, dropping his hand from my face and pulling me over to Daniel.

And I couldn't stop the nervous butterflies dancing around my stomach at that almost promise.

* * *

_I know when I go; I'll be on my way to you. The way that's true..._

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_**Anonymous Reviews: **_

_**Jess – **_Hey, hun! I can't believe how long it's been since I wrote this story. I feel so bad, I actually forgot about this one. *Hangs head in shame* Thank you so much for taking an interest in this story and reviewing! If you still remember it, lol. I had to go back and re-read the first chapter to reacquaint myself with it. But I'm kinda glad to have this one out of the way. It's been bugging me for a while. I'm really glad you like this story though. Once the idea hit I couldn't wait to write it. :) Thanks again for reviewing! Take care. :D *Hugs, peace and love* x

_**Morgan – **_Hi there! I am so sorry for the delay in writing the second chapter, if you're still interested. :) I never intended on leaving it so long. It feels good to have it done now though. Hopefully the block I've had with it will have passed now. :) Aww, I'm thrilled you think it's a romantic story! And I have a little something planned when it comes to how they first met so good call on that. :D I hope you continue to enjoy this story. I'll try and make sure I update a lot sooner than I have. Thanks for your patience! Take care. *Hugs, love and peace* x


	3. You've Got A Way

**_A/N_** – Hi everyone! Thank you, _**THANK YOU**_, thank you for the _awesome_ response to the last chapter! I didn't think anyone would remember it. ^^; So imagine my huge shock when the love just poured in! It was _**amazing**_! :D I think I know where I'm headed with this story now my muse has jumped on board. So the next update won't be too far behind. :) I have much deserved review replies to write and the last half of '_Finding What Is Lost_'s next chapter to finish. But this was begging to be written so I hope you can be patient with me. :)

And I hope you like this one! Please review; much love y'all!

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_You've got a way it seems. You gave me faith to find my dreams. You'll never know just what that means . . ._

_

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_

_**You've Got A Way**_

Gina was stalling me.

When she asked me to go round to her apartment and help her choose an outfit for her date that weren't for another three days, I knew something was up. But she never gave me the chance to find out why, because I'd been relegated to sitting on her bed and helping her choose through endless amounts of clothes. I was supposed to be running through Central Park, not sitting in my friend's room, where the only exercise I was getting was a shake or a nod of my head. My chin propped in my hand and my frustration getting worse and worse. There was only one perk to watching her rummage through her closet. And that was Jesse.

Sexy, charming, fantastic kisser; Jesse De Silva.

I sighed wistfully just thinking about him.

Four weeks past Valentine's Day, and it only seemed to be getting better with him. So much so, that I was walking around with a goofy grin half the time. Since the day he - supposedly accidentally - bumped in to me and Daniel outside the museum, everything seemed to change. For the better! That promise with the meaning of more was proved right as the weeks went past and we saw more and more of each other. His kisses and touch drive me wild! It's gotten to the point that he's the first thing I think of when I wake up and go to sleep. It sounds clichéd and if it was someone else, then I'd be rolling my eyes and gagging. But Jesse is just so . . . _near perfect_.

The day with him at the museum was great! I got to spend hours with Jesse, shooting glances up to him every now and again just to reassure myself he really _was_ there. I had a buffer against Daniel; who took an instant shine to Jesse and vice versa. He was so good with him. I put it down to him being the oldest with younger sisters. That and he's obviously a natural with kids. _So_ I might have imagined what kids with Jesse would be like. For about a split second before I realized I still needed to get to know him better. Sure we spent the whole night talking on our first date. But it didn't mean back then, that I'd be winning any prizes if I suddenly got a Jesse De Silva pop quiz.

I'm more confident I wouldn't do too badly, now.

Like with how intelligent he is! Boy did I feel like a loser walking around that museum and listening to him answer all of Daniel's questions. The first time, after I stuttered an awkward answer to one Daniel pitched to me, Jesse gave me a knee-jerking grin and stepped in for me. From then on, any and all questions were directed to Jesse and I was left gawking at how much he knew. Some part of my mind was wondering if he was too good to be true. I thought all the great men were extinct in New York. But Jesse was just amazement after another. And getting to drift off into daydream land by the lull of his voice wasn't such a hardship either. I didn't take in half of what he said. I was just entranced with watching the way his lips moved and his long tanned fingers gestured when he got excited about what he was explaining.

I've asked myself ever since, how I managed to meet such an enigma. An intelligent doctor with a crack sense of humor; who happens to be great with children and sets my body on fire. I don't think I'll ever understand it. Or want to, for that matter. I've had my fair share of losers walk through my life. So imagine my surprise when instead, I meet the complete opposite. A man that leaves me all but speechless, clumsy and ends up doing or saying something either really stupid, or really honest. I think it's his eyes, I contemplated as I absently nodded at a top Gina was holding up. Maybe his eyes are what snags me and makes me fumble like a drunk. They're dark and deep enough to drown in. His dark warmth, catching and holding my light vulnerable needs.

I don't have any kind of protection around Jesse. It's like he strips away my layers without trying. And then I'm left standing, vulnerable, open and trembling, waiting for the bad to come. And it hasn't yet. He's just tender, sweetness and sexy all rolled in to one when we're alone. Who said chivalry's dead? 'Cause that person never met, Jesse. He's like Prince Charming meets modern day, mixed in with some whispered Spanish in my ear. The combination is like a drug. And I've wanted more and more of it each time I've seen him. The kisses have gotten more feverish and the touches a little more . . . loving. I know I won't be able to resist that final step with him soon.

_God_, I must be crazy to be putting it off now!

"What about this one?" Gina interrupted my easily wandered thoughts, holding up a top that looked like it would hug her every curve. She looked confident holding it, which pretty much told me she'd picked out her outfit ages ago. Now she was just prevaricating and flaunting her tasteful wardrobe at the same time. "You don't think it's too much do you? I could go with something else. Maybe something a little – "

"Gina, you look amazing in anything. I don't even know why you're worried about it," I cut in to her reel, standing up from her bed and stretching. "Why do you even need me here? You've always managed to pick out your own outfit on other dates. What's so special about this one?" She shrugged one shoulder, her fingers loosening on the hangers held in her hand. "That's it? A shrug?!" I snorted. "Okay look, I'll humor you. Just go with the first dress you chose. You'll knock him out with your killer legs then. But that's it; I can't stand here and help you choose anymore. My brain is dead."

I strolled across her room heading for the door with Gina hot on my heels. "Where are you going?!" She asked frantically.

"I'm going for a run, like I planned on doing before you called me. The sun will be setting soon and I'd rather be back before it gets even colder than it already is. You don't want me to freeze to death do you? If I do, I'm so haunting your ass!" I mocked, pivoting round to wag a finger in her face. "You've got your outfit you don't need any more help." I waved off easily.

She glanced down at her watch and seemed to be working something out before she looked back up with a smile. Her mood shifted all of a sudden. "Sure, alright. Have fun on your run. Speak to you later." She actually pushed me towards her front door, shoving my hoody in to my hands and giving me a nudge out into the hall. "Bye!" She cheerfully chirruped, closing the door in my face. I blinked in total confusion. How did I go from sitting on her bed and helping her choose an outfit, to being shoved out of her door like I'd fallen in the _Bog of Eternal Stench_?! It was . . . so un-Gina like.

"Oo-kay," I slowly turned away from her door and walked down the hall; shaking off her weird behaviour and by-passing the elevator. I pulled my hoody on before I stepped out of the lobby and on to the cold steps of New York. The sky was blanketed with snow clouds and the sun that was managing to peak through was going to be setting soon. I headed for the closest entrance to Central Park and pulled my sleeves down over my gloved hands. Almost deciding to turn around and go home when the wind bit at my face. As soon as I stepped on to the gravelly path, I took off running at a slow pace to warm my body up. Before long, I wasn't thinking and I didn't notice the cold. I was just looking ahead and nothing else mattered.

Goofy smile and everything.

"Hey, excuse me, ma'am!" Someone called out. I carried on running, thinking the kid was calling out to someone else. But when he shouted for me again, I stopped and let him catch me up. "Hey, sorry; I just wanted to give you this. Later!" The kid shouted after he handed me a single red, long stemmed rose. I was about to shout out to him when I saw the note stuck on one single thorn. An instant smile lit my face and I moved off the path and out of the way of other joggers. And so no-one would notice me blushing. I slipped open the piece of paper with one word scribbled on the front. '_Querida'._

_'__**Good evening, Susannah**__,' _The note read in Jesse's neat scrawl._ '__**Do you want to play a game? I have five more roses scattered around different parts of the park. Your task is to find each one to get your surprise at the end. The catch is, you have to complete it before the sun sets. Now you're here, why don't you take a run to Central Park Mall and take in the enchanted scene? - Jesse. x'**_

I folded the note and took in a nose-full of the sweet rose scent. "A game huh? Wonder what my surprise is at the end," I murmured to myself, slipping the note in to my pocket.

Then without bothering to question whether it was a good idea or not, I took off the Mall. The long stretch of trees that hang over a path like a veil of protection is just plain beautiful all year long. The snow hanging off the branches weighing them down even more creates a magical atmosphere of comfort at night. And Jesse knows it's one of my favourite places to go. This, I figured, was why he chose it. Struck by the romance of what he was doing was, I nearly didn't hear the elderly couple as they called out to me.

"Susannah!" A kind voice echoed to me. I stopped in my tracks and turned to the voice. Catching the lady waving me over where she was sitting on a bench with her husband, wrapped up in the thickest coats to hold off the chill. Her husband's arm was wrapped protectively around his wife's shoulder, pulling her into share his warmth. They looked content just sitting in the Mall under the cover of trees; even though it was freezing. "It is Susannah, isn't it?" She smiled. "I have something for you, dear. Good luck."

I took the rose she held out to me with another note stuck on a thorn. "Thank you," I smiled back, taking in the way she squeezed her husband's hand and looked up at him adoringly. Clearing my throat I walked away from them for more privacy and opened the note.

'_**Hello, Susannah. I'm glad you've chosen to take part in my game**__.' _This one read._ '__**And that you trust me enough to send you out on a chase around the park. I know you enjoy the Mall; but why not go by Wollman's Rink and warm up a little more? - Jesse. x**__'_

I didn't wait around this time. I took straight off for the Wollman Rink with my two roses in my hand. I was getting more and more curious just what kind of crazy adventures he was sending me out on. I've never had someone do what Jesse was doing for me. So I was chasing him around Central Park. So what? I was getting my exercise, only with a surprise at the end of it. If that wasn't enough to get my ass moving, nothing was. And by the time I got to the bustling rink with skaters old and new out on the ice, braving the cold, I spotted a vendor, it's owner waving wildly to me, a rose clutched in his hand. The grin he had looked like it might split his face apart.

"Suze, I'm glad I saw ya. I thought I might've missed ya or somethin'. I got a lil' gift for ya," The middle-aged, portly man said. If he grew a beard he could be Santa Claus, I giggled to myself. The buzzes of the romance making me feel high and off-balance. "Actually, I got two lil' gifts. Here's ya rose," He passed it over to me with a flourish. "I'll give ya second gift after ya read ya note." He turned away to give me my space.

_'__**Querida,**__**how are you faring?**__**I trust my friend found you without any problems**_.' I smiled as I read the note, my gloved fingers holding it tight. '_**Now you have enjoyed the festive atmosphere of the skaters, I think a little peace is in order. Or reminiscing. Do you remember the crooked tree near the bridge? And the stolen kiss we shared? Think of me, querida . . . - Jesse. x**__'_

I bit my lip, my cheeks flushing when I remembered that stolen kiss. It was one I would never be forgetting about. We'd just been strolling through the park when Jesse suddenly pulled me off the path and trapped me against the tree with his body. The kiss that followed had me shucking my coat and my hands roaming over Jesse's chest and back. It was freezing that night, but I didn't feel the cold then. All I could feel was, Jesse. And now, it's one of my favourite spots. I looked back up at the vendor guy and folded the note and put it in my pocket along with the others. "What was the other gift?" I asked.

He turned back to me and handed me a hot chocolate. "He said ya'd be around about this time, so I made it so ya could drink it without waitin' for it to cool," He smiled, leaning up against his stall. "Go ahead, ya don't have too much time left, Princess," Smiling over the rim of the Styrofoam cup I gulped it down, savouring the thick, chocolaty taste that instantly warmed my chest and belly. "Just how ya like it right? Extra thick. A little dickey-bird told me," He chuckled when I widened my eyes. "Ya better get goin'. I hope ya win!" He called as I took off running for the special tree.

"Damn right, I will!" I laughed back, waving awkwardly.

I started to see less people as I ran. Some threw me odd looks, probably from the stupid grin still plastered to my face. But others just looked lost in their own world, walking through the Winter Wonderland. Maybe there's magic in the air, I grinned deliriously. Maybe that's why I feel like I can fly right now. There was practically a skip in my step as I ran up to the special tree. There wasn't anyone around when I got there and I started to think I'd gone wrong somewhere. But then I saw the red, red rose sticking out of the snow. I slowly walked up to it, seeing the larger tracks of someone else's footprints moving away from the tree. I bent low and pulled the note off, reading it and soaking up every word.

'_**Sweet Susannah**_,' It read this time, sending a shiver down my spine that wasn't from the cold. '_**How I wish I could be where you are right now . . . Soon I will be. Just one more stop before you find your surprise. But first; you see the bridge you like to stand before to gaze over the lake? Indulge yourself, bella. - Jesse. x**__'_

"Maybe you know me better than I thought," I muttered, standing back up and taking the rose with me. I retraced my steps back to the path and made quick work of reaching the bridge I could see from the special crooked tree. He really thought it all out! He must've had help. And I know just who from. But the fact he did it at all was . . . mind-blowing. If this was what he had in store for me after only four weeks of being with him, then what else would he come up with? The thought was dizzying and I clutched on to the wall as I walked up the bridge until I was standing where his note told me to stand, looking out over the lake and the waning sunlight. Time was almost up.

I looked around, half-expecting to see a rose falling from the sky or something. But all I saw was an old lady, throwing pieces of bread over the bridge. "Excuse me," I said, walking across to stand beside her. She turned to me with a bright genuine smile. "So you know who I am then?"

"Yes. The special lady come to claim her rose," She answered, turning away to pluck another long-stemmed rose from her bag on her arm. "This is for you. You best hurry though; it doesn't look like the sun will be with us much longer." She murmured, turning back to the bridge and looking out over the lake, a wistful far-away look on her lined face. Stepping away from her, I opened the note, a gust of wind almost whipping it from my fingers until I hunched myself over it.

'_I__**t's Twilight, Susannah. The game is almost over. But you have one last rose to find**__.' _His thick black writing was comforting and I felt the thrill of excitement run down my spine. '_**I won't give you any clues to the last location, except for this . . . 'Angels of the Water'. Good luck, mi querida. Yours, Jesse. x**__'_

"No you didn't give me any more clues; you just told me where to find my surprise instead." I laughed, biting my lip in anticipation.

Without saying a word to the lady on the bridge, I took off running, knowing I only had minutes left before the sun would be gone completely. I was laughing breathlessly while I ran for my favourite place in Central Park. The '_Angels in the Waters Fountain'._ It's coated in snow and ice, but it still looks amazing. My Dad used to take me there when I was a kid, before he died. The fact Jesse chose that to be the place where I'd get my surprise just made it all even more perfect. I've run around following his directions, meeting random strangers and collecting roses. And I was itching to finish the game and run into the arms of my surprise.

When the fountain came up into view, I stopped, trying to catch my breath. The notes were safe in my pocket and the roses were clutched tight in my hand. I could see, with just the right amount of light from the lamps standing tall between the trees lining the path to the fountain, Jesse's dark silhouette, his back to me facing the Angel sculptor. It hit me then just _what_ I was doing. Had _been_ doing for the better part of an hour. Just exactly, _how_ I was feeling gazing at him waiting for me. And it whipped the air from my lungs so quickly, I almost choked.

Because I'm falling for Jesse. In a really big, kind of way.

And I started running. _Straight for Jesse_.

He heard me coming, my footsteps thumping on the path. He turned, his face lighting up once he saw me, taking two steps forward but letting me cut the distance. He stuck his arms out to catch me where I ran in to them; mine wrapping around his neck when he lifted me off my feet and spun me around in a quick circle. My feet were back on the Earth two seconds before they were being lifted off again. By his kiss. His lips fused to mine and I kissed him with everything I could. It wasn't fierce. Unless you count the crackle of heat to soar through me at his touch, the way his tongue lapped at mine. Or if you count the emotion building in me and pouring in to him. But it was leaving me so breathless and over-whelmed and giddy, it was unnatural!

We pulled away for air, his head resting against mine as a breaths mingled between us. "_That_ is a greeting," He muttered, staring down in to my eyes. "I could get used to, _querida_," He chuckled, sweeping in to capture my lips in a lingering kiss just for the sake of it. His arms wrapped around my back, pulled me flush against him, his heat burning in to me even through all the layers. I shucked off my gloves, dropping them behind Jesse, so I could tangle my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. A sexy slow grin turned up the corners of his lips when I did. "Do you like your surprise?"

I threw my head back and laughed, softly stroking a hand down his warm cheek when I sobered up enough to. "I loved it, Jesse. Every bit of it."

"Good; because it's not over yet. I still have more for you," He grinned, nuzzling his nose to my neck and inhaling my scent. He pressed a wet kiss to the sensitive spot below my ear and I shivered in his arms; making him tighten them around me. "Ready for the next part?" He asked me when he pulled back to look down in to my eyes. I wanted to ask him what it was, but I didn't want to spoil or break the moment. Considering I'd just put my trust in him for the past hour, I was more than willing for whatever he had planned next. So I just nodded mutely. "Okay, let's go. The day might be over, but the night has just begun."

With that cryptic meaning he took my hand and led me away from the fountain. I would have walked in to hell if that's where he was leading me.

So long as Jesse would look back at me with that same expression that makes my heart thump painfully and my pulse race. _Such an enigma_ . . .

xXx

Susannah's questions of what the last surprise would be brought a smile to my face and a lightening to my heart.

She was so persistent; I almost told her what I had planned. But even as I threw her a side-glance sitting beside me in the cab, I knew she didn't really want to know the answer. There was a glow to her cheeks that I hoped wasn't from the chill to the air. Her reaction as she ran into my arms was definitely worth the careful planning and anxiety at whether she would trust me to let her run around Central Park following my clues. Gina will be pleased it worked out. If she hadn't have stalled Susannah, then I know it wouldn't have worked. As it was, we just about made it time-wise. I was restraining myself from rubbing my hands together with anticipation.

The weeks following my first meeting Susannah by trying to co-erce the taxi we both hailed, have been the happiest I've been. My friends and family have warned me to tread carefully; to be sure I don't become caught up in the rush of a new relationship. But ours isn't like a normal conventional pairing. Everything from the beginning with Susannah has been fast-forwarded and different. The way she makes me feel is different. Like I'm the most powerful man on the planet. As if I could do anything. I know without over-thinking it that I'm falling in love with her. After only four weeks, it's both terrifying and exhilarating. And made me more determined to shower the happiness she's brought me, on to her.

When we finally take the last step, I know there will be no turning back. And I think Susannah knows that too.

Reaching over, I intertwined our fingers and felt her squeeze them in kind. She's different to who I've dated in the past. She's blunt, compassionate, shy when no-one else is around and incredibly beautiful; inside and out. Her eyes light up when she looks at me, much like I'm sure mine do when I see her. I look forward to the end of my shift, counting the hours and minutes until I can see her. And she's always there, no matter what time, day or night if she can, until I can get to her. We've gone for a stroll through Central Park at 3am before, just to spend some time together in-between my shifts. She's made more sacrifices to see me in the last four weeks, then some of my longer relationships have. And I've tried everything in my power to shower that kindness and appreciation back on her.

Judging from the kiss we shared by the fountain, it hasn't gone by unnoticed.

"Come on, Jesse," She pleaded again, leaning over to kiss me on the cheek as a way to make me give-in. "Tell me what the rest of my surprise is."

Grinning I turned my head to catch her lips quickly, murmuring against them. "Patience; you'll soon find out." I turned to look out of the window seeing the cab pull up outside my apartment building. The door-man opened my door and I stepped out; extending a hand for Susannah. She slipped her gloved one in mine and let me pull her to her feet. If there's one thing I've come to realize over the last four weeks, it's that she's not used to such gentlemanly behaviour being poured on her. This just makes me more determined to do it. I paid the driver and led Susannah over to the open door into the lobby.

"Why are we at your place? I'm not really dressed for a date you know. I could've swung by my place and got showered and changed first," She said, absently running a hand up and down my arm as we stepped on to the elevator and rode up to my Condo. "Did I mention that I love the roses? 'Cause I really do. They're beautiful." She whimsically tilted them to her slender nose and inhaled them with a sigh. When she felt my gaze her cheeks tinted with the lightest blush and her lips quirked.

Another thing I've come to learn about Susannah; even if she's embarrassed or shy about something, she still has enough confidence to keep her eyes raised and face it down. Not holding back, I cupped the back of her head and kissed her. It was just a gentle, sweet meeting of the lips that made her gasp and clutch on to me harder than before. When I pulled away, her eyes were cloudy and unfocused. The same reaction I have when I'm around Susannah for any length of time. My concentration wavers and the needs of my body take over. It's hard to keep my hands off Susannah. To not kiss her again and again.

"Come on," I winked, pulling her out of the elevator and down the hall to my door. I unlocked it without a word and let her step inside first. She's been to my apartment a couple of times and she's always been relaxed and at ease. But this time, she was wringing her hands together in an uncomfortable gesture and kept pushing the slips of hair that had escaped her pony-tail, back behind her ears. Knowing just what her problem was, I took her hand and led her over to the couch. "Sit," I pushed her lightly and waited for her to relax marginally before I disappeared into the kitchen to retrieve the wine. Pouring her a glass I handed it over to her, noticing her surprise.

"You drink that and unwind, and I'll go and run you a bath," I said, bending down to kiss her forehead.

She gaped up at me for a second before she found her voice. "But I don't have any clothes here - " She started. I looked down into her eyes, seeing no discomfort, just surprise.

"Yes you do. I had Gina stop by your apartment while you weren't there and bring them here. They're all in the bathroom waiting for you," I interrupted her. I knew that I would have to think of everything in order to spring dinner on Susannah. And that included making sure she could change in to something more comfortable. This gave me the perfect excuse to treat her even more with a special bath. Susannah isn't the scruffy type. I may have seen her in sweatpants and an old t-shirt when we spend time together at her apartment. But when it comes to our dates, she's always carried herself with respect and dressed for the occasion. "You drink your wine and I'll come and get you when your bath's ready."

She blinked up at me a couple of times, before a slow sincere smile creased the corners of her eyes.

Before I could dismiss the bath and dinner I planned for something else much more intimate, I walked away and got started on the second part of my plan.

I'd set the bathroom before I left, placing candles strategically around the sink, lighting up the mirror to reflect the light back. Some were placed on one end of the claw-foot tub away from danger and harm. Others on shelves and nooks around the room. The ambient light that flowed in to the room, coupled with the steam from the bath that smelled of lavender, was inviting and cosy. Her black dress was hanging on the back of the door, her shoes on the hook. A bag filled with tissue paper and another little gift for Susannah was sitting by the sink for her to find. Something I luckily had Gina to help me with. And rose petals were sprinkled in the water to finish off the romantic atmosphere.

When I walked back out into the living room, Susannah had taken off her shoes and curled her legs up underneath her on the couch; half her wine-glass already empty. "Your bath's ready," I announced, pouring more wine so she could take it in with her. She let me help her to her feet where I led her in to my bedroom. "I'm going to start on dinner. So relax and take your time. There's no rush." I kissed her slowly, drawing out a long sigh of contentment from deep within her before I released her. "Enjoy."

I was just pulling my bedroom door closed when she called me. I stopped and looked down at her with concern when she reached me at the door. "Thank you for doing all of this." She leaned up on tip-toes and kissed my cheek, her hand stroking over my jaw. "Now shoo!" She laughed, pushing me out of the door, closing it on me.

Chuckling and more than relieved she was taking my surprises in her stride, I walked out in to the kitchen and got started with slipping the dinner I'd already prepared in to the oven and cracking open myself a bottle of beer. I slipped my shoes and socks off without thinking about it and looked towards my bedroom door. After ten minutes of busying around the already tidy kitchen, I picked up the open bottle of wine and headed back to my bedroom. I picked up her clothes she'd left in a pile on the floor and put them in the bag Gina had left behind, flicking on another bedside lamp to light the room a little more.

Glancing towards the shut bathroom door, I knocked on it lightly, holding my breath while I waited for her breathy reply to go in. When I entered the soft intimate, steam filled room that seem to shrink around me, my eyes instantly went to the beautiful maiden occupying my claw-foot bath-tub like she belonged there. Her hands rested on the sides and her head was tipped back with a contented smile. Stands of her hair that escaped her hastily pinned up hair curled around her face and stuck to the back of her neck. The water lapped at her naked body modestly covering her, but fuelling my imagination to its peak.

She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at me when I crouched down beside her. "Are you a dream?" She quietly asked, her half-lidded eyes filled with desire and something more tender hidden down in their emerald depths. I quirked my lips and ran a finger down the length of her nose, making her eyes close for a while before she opened them again.

"I could ask the same of you, _querida_," I replied huskily, my voice betraying me with the raw emotion coating my words, my tone and my actions.

She reached out a hand and pressed it to my cheek softly. "If you are, I don't want to wake up," Her eyes filled with moisture, her voice cracking. I lifted a hand to cover hers still held to my face, turning to place a kiss in the center of her palm. I smiled to reassure her and myself, which she returned in kind. Closing her eyes again, she turned to tilt her face up to the ceiling, her neck begging to be kissed and caressed. "So perfect . . ." She whispered, another sigh slipping past her lips and swirling the steam around her.

I was very much inclined to agree with her.

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_It's in the way you want me. It's in the way you hold me. The way you show me just what love's made of . . ._

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**_Anonymous Review Replies -_**

**Jess** - Hi hun! Thanks you so much for reviewing the last chapter! It was a wee bit nerve-wracking considering how long it'd been. But my Muse is pulling through and decided she wants to turn this into a mini story! I'm trying to decide if that's a good thing or not, lol! But at least I know what I want to do with the next few chapters. :) It's typical that one of my most popular stories, has to be the one that is hard to write. ^^; Of course, getting to be all romantic in this one was great! I really hope you like it. :D And thanks again for reviewing! I'll be posting your reply for FWIL soon. I'm working on that chapter too. Gah, so many stories not enough help, lol. Take care! *Many hugs and love, hun* :) xxx

**Ivoryyy** - Hello, Chica! :) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story! It was supposed to be only a one-shot with the possibility of more chapters. That was until my Muse disappeared on me for it and then came back with a vengeance. ^^; But I'm really glad you like this story. :) I plan on seeing it through until the end which, as far as I know, won't be any time soon, lol. I hope you enjoyed this one, hun! And thanks again. Take care! *Hugs and love* xxx


	4. In These Arms

_**A/N:**_ Hello lovely people! How is everyone? :) I know it's been a long time since I've updated this, or anything else. Or even been on fanfiction, properly! But I hope everyone is doing well and still with me on this story. As I've said a few times before, I don't walk away from something until it's done. And it doesn't mean then that I'll finish it in a haphazard way either. So what I'm trying to say is I will finish this story and all my other on-going projects and come back to fanfiction sometime soon in the near future. Exxxciting! ;)

Thank you so much for being so patient with me though. You have no idea how much that has helped me with trying really hard to kick my muse back into gear and get some writing done. I know this isn't as long as others, and there's no Jesse POV. But please bear with me; I'm trying to get back into the swing of writing again. :) That being said, I really hope you like this chapter! I tried to keep it as clean as possible (you'll understand when you read on.) ^^' Thank you so much for the reviews and favourites that have still been coming . . . It's a big part of why I updated this one instead of '_Finding What Is Lost_'. That's next on my agenda. :)

So I hope you enjoy this chapter and if you like, please review! :)

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_You want commitment; take a look into these eyes. They burn with a fire, just for you now. Until the end of time, I would do anything . . .

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_**In These Arms**_

I wanted to stay in Jesse's claw-foot bath tub for the rest of time - inhaling the lavender scent. Having the soft rose petals gently lap against me as I moved in the water; sending ripples and petals around me. Lulled and soothed into relaxation by the warmth of and ambience of the room. It was _heaven_! The only thing missing was, Jesse, in it with me. This only led my mind to dangerous territory, knowing just how ripped and toned under that doctor's coat he is. So tanned . . . muscular . . . manly . . . _smooth_ . . . My cheeks were blushing just picturing it! I had no doubt in my mind just what was going to be happening tonight. I'd have had to have been an absolute dumbass to not pick up on every signal. And yes, I was definitely ready to make love to Jesse.

Make love to, Jesse . . . Oh _God_!

I shivered with eager anticipation and popped my eyes right open.

Most men would have took a girl out for dinner, invited her home for more drinks, given her ten minutes of sweet talking before they started making clear signs for the bedroom. Hell, some guys didn't even do that! I was just the luckiest, most special girl in the world right then. The notes around Central Park, the roses, the candles, bath, wine . . . everything was leading up to something amazing! And suddenly, I realised I was nowhere near ready for that kind of . . . intimacy. At least, not to look at! Physically, emotionally - I was yearning for it. But my appearance left something to be desired and there was no way I was going to go out there looking like a scruff-bag!

Rising out of the amazing, best bath session, ever - I pulled the plug and turned the shower on to wash, clean my hair and rinse myself off. I knew I didn't have a hair-dryer to correct the mistake of my hair, but it was going to be much better than looking rough and sweaty. So I towel-dried it as best I could and carefully pinned it up in to some kind of fancy, I-meant-it-to-look-this-way, style. I figured Jesse would never know the difference and was counting on him concentrating on _other_ things later on in the night any-way. If he wasn't then I was definitely going to be doing something wrong somewhere!

Getting past my mini anxiety attack about my hair suddenly being all wrong and somehow turning Jesse _off_, rather than _on_, I started applying my moisturiser. And that was when I noticed the little La Senza bag sitting by the sink - my favourite lingerie store. I giggled with excitement and tore the tissue paper out of the bag looking at the stunning underwear inside. I pulled out the black bra first, feeling the satin cups and straps, loving the feel of it beneath my hands . . . no wonder Jesse chose it specifically! Then I pulled out the classy but sexy black French knickers to pair with the bra and felt my cheeks flush again.

There is definitely a naughty Jesse in there somewhere!

I finished my beauty regime and slipped into my sexy new lingerie as quick as I could. I applied only the minimal amount of make-up, knowing how much Jesse hates it caked on so it leaves foundation and blusher streaks all over his clothes. Not that I cake it on . . . But if you have that pesky zit come up out of nowhere that looks like it belongs on a witch, then what choice does a girl have? Exactly! Then I slipped my little black dress and shoes on and finally felt I was ready. But I did down the rest of my wine Jesse had kindly re-filled for me when he'd come see me earlier, feeling it buzz around my head (I always was a bit of a light-weight when it comes to wine.)

Taking a deep breath I walked out into his bedroom, hit by how romantic he'd made it in there too. Scented candles were dotted around the room and more rose petals had been sprinkled over the bed. I smiled at the effort he was putting in, shocked and excited and followed the sound of the soft music floating through from the living room. I was hit by the smell of something amazing cooking and felt my stomach rumble in agreement. I didn't know what I was hungrier for right then - Jesse or dinner! But thoughts of that disappeared when I walked into the kitchen to find him dancing around the floor hopping on one foot!

He stopped when he heard me laughing.

"What . . ." I started, putting a hand to my mouth to stop myself giggling. "Are you doing, Jesse?"

His cheeks flamed red, which looked spectacular on him with his all-year-round tan and ducked his head. "I dropped something on my foot . . . I think I may have broken my big toe, _queried_."

My first reaction was to laugh again, picturing Jesse being undone by something like a broken toe. But then concern overrode that and I dashed to him, managing to step on his other foot in my heels at the same time. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" I rambled over the sound of his howl as he started hopping on his already other bad foot, just to realise that was obviously still damaged in some way, just to hop back on to his now other sore foot. I had no idea our night was going to be so comical. "Here sit down, put some ice on it!" I twittered, looping an arm around his waist to get him to the kitchen table.

Once I had him sat down, I rushed to the freezer and got a pack of frozen peas out, wrapped them in a dish-towel and rushed back to his side.

"What foot should I put it on first? I should get another pack. Yeah, I'll get another pack. Oh God, maybe we should take you to the hospital in-stead? I mean, what if your toe falls off?" I mumbled as I rushed to get another ice pack for his other foot. "Will it fall off? Can it? It doesn't look like it will. What are you doing walking around in bare feet anyway? Why aren't you wearing socks or something?" I exclaimed, dropping the other pack of frozen vegetables on his other foot. Jesse just sat and stared at me the whole time.

Until he started laughing really _hard_.

"This isn't - " He started, between guffaws of laughter. "exactly how - " He continued. "I was hoping this evening would go."

He was right of course. Dealing with the very real prospect that he might have a broken big toe wasn't very romantic or sexy or . . . well, what either of us were going for.

Snorting at that thought I got to my feet where I was crouched at his and sat on his offered knee, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Is this better, my wounded Spaniard?" I teased, kissing him on the cheek. He responded by kissing me on the lips. Deep, teasingly and oh so heart meltingly! I sank into his kiss, my head swimming from the feel of his warm wet tongue swiping at mine, the light pressure of his lips - and the obvious feel of something else getting just as turned on, down in his pants. I broke apart from him then, as much as I didn't want to. Jesse obviously has a plan for the evening and making love for _the first time_, before we'd even eaten dinner, I guessed wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

Speaking of . . .

"Is something burning?" I asked, sniffing the air.

"Huh?" Jesse mumbled, his eyes just the teeniest bit foggy. And then he caught whiff of the burning too and jumped to his feet, almost dropping me to the floor. "_Maldito_!" He yelped, rushing to the oven. I pressed my lips together to stop laughing at what I suppose was some kind of curse from him. But it was just as funny to watch him hobbling from one foot to the other while trying to save the dinner as he carefully pulled it out of the oven. "I should have been more careful. I'm sorry, _querida_. I think it can still be eaten, though." Jesse frowned, poking at what looked like a slightly crispy and creamy pasta bake with a spatula.

Shrugging I inspected it myself.

"Did you make this from scratch?" I asked, eyeing it carefully. It looked really nice! If not a little . . . chaotic. Jesse has admitted to me that cooking isn't one of his strong points. As he modestly said, when he lived in Spain, his mother or sisters did the cooking, while he and his father did all the 'man-work'. Poor guy has been trying to fend for himself ever since he moved to New York. Apparently no amount of years as a bachelor taught him how to cook properly though - not that he wasn't trying for me. Because he was . . . he was making a big effort for me. And it made me appreciate him even more.

He cocked an eyebrow, looking at me side-ways. "You don't like it?" He challenged.

"No, of course not! It looks like a really good effort. I can't wait to try it." I smiled, squeezing his hand.

"Good," He grinned, his pride back where it was supposed to be. "Allow me," He walked me to the table, pulling out my chair for me so I could sit. Honestly, I'm still trying to get used to the little chivalrous moments. He poured me some more wine before dashing back - or as quickly with someone with two sore feet could - to the kitchen to dish our dinner up. A few minutes later I had a man's portion of pasta bake in front of me with fresh crusty rolls. It smelled delicious, once you got past the slight burnt smell. Raising his glass, Jesse proposed a toast. "Here is to our special evening together." He smiled, reached to take my hand across the table.

"With many more to come." I smiled back, taking a sip of my wine.

Our dinner slipped past slowly, both of us taking our time, talking every now and again. But the silence wasn't awkward, just very comfortable. I nudged my shoes off under the table sometime between dinner and desert. This consisted of the most amazingly delicious warm chocolate fudge cake and strawberries. The most enticing, toe-curling aphrodisiacs! Oysters have never been my thing. But strawberries and chocolate . . . well they just speak to me. How could I say no to them? The wine was enough to make my head spin the tiniest bit more, which meant I was slowly slipping past the tipsy stage, so vowed to slow down a little.

Although when you're sitting across a candle lit table at the most handsome, sexiest Spaniard you've ever been lucky enough to walk past - let alone be in a relationship with - you start to wonder how much of what you're feeling is do with the wine or the man himself.

I was going with the latter. And suddenly, I didn't want to wait any longer.

Without saying a word I put my wine glass down and got up from the table. Jesse's eyes watched me the whole time, a small smile tipping the corner of his full, kissable lips. Taking his hand, I pulled him up to his injured feet and slipped a hand up his crisp white shirt until reaching the opening to stroke and feel his hard tanned chest. Parting my lips I took in a breath and looked up at him. Jesse took that opportunity to reach an arm around my waist and pull me flush against him. Then his lips were on mine again and the breath was ripped from my lungs. I clung to his shirt with both hands, trying to melt into him until we'd become one, his kiss sending delightful tingles of pleasure throughout my body, reaching every nerve-ending and setting it on fire. The kiss deepened - his slow exploration of my mouth with his tongue making my heart and body scream for more.

Gently I pulled away from the kiss, my lips moist and throbbing. I wanted to say something, but didn't want to ruin it by saying something dumb. So I stayed quiet and led him to his candle lit, romantic bedroom in-stead.

He gently pulled me back up to him as soon as the door was closed, his nose nuzzling my hair and neck.

"You are so beautiful, _querida_." He breathed into my ear, his words entwining around my heart and squeezing painfully. God, it felt so good to be told that and be able to _believe_ it!

There was no room left for words at that point, all either of us could concentrate on was staying in control and taking our time. I was so lost in the feel of his rough, strong hands removing my clothes, laying me down on his bed and caressing my whole body. He stroked rose petals over me so lightly I shivered and sighed. My eyes falling closed so I could fall deeper into the sensation of his tantalising touch. His lips softly kissed and touched every part of me, from the soft spot behind my ear, to the tips of my brightly coloured toes. He made them curl more than once, enticing my body into a gentle climax.

And I repaid him in kind, taking the opportunity to just explore him, as if for the first time. I dug my nails into his so amazingly defined abs as he lay beneath me, pressing my naked body against his as my hands wandered. They lightly skipped up his muscled back, which rippled beneath my fingertips at the slightest touch. I nipped at his shoulder when it felt as though I was going to explode from his touch all over again, his assault never letting up on me. It was the most erotic, loving sexual experience I have ever had, and it was more than worth the wait when we finally made love and climaxed together.

Being told I looked breathtaking as I lay naked, sated and vulnerable before him was the icing on the cake of a delicious evening. Because I truly believed Jesse - I could see he meant every word in his dark, chocolate coloured eyes as they swept over me, taking in every detail all over again.

I knew then I was completely lost to him - mind, body and soul. And I didn't care!

If love means feeling this good, then I don't ever want to give it up. _Ever_.

* * *

_If you were in these arms, I'd love you I'd please you, I'd tell you that I'd never leave you. And love you till the end of time, if you were in these arms tonight . . ._

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_**Anonymous Reviews:**_

_**Aparul - **_Hey hun! Oh God, you have no idea how good it is to be back in touch! I hope you're reading this! Lol. Thank you so much for reviewing chapter three! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update. Boo. :( But I'm back and determined to get writing again. Anything that helps me sleep better at night, lol! :) Any-way down to business...HOW ARE YOU? God, I miss this soooo much! Get in touch! I miss ya! ;) Lots of love and hugs! xxx


	5. Set Fire To The Rain

_**A/N:**_ I bet no one was expecting to see this update in their inboxes, huh? ;P Well, I can't apologise enough to you all for my long absence. For those of you who have been following me with 'Finding What Is Lost', I've been moving in with my fiancé and planning a wedding. Now I'm a year away from getting married and the pressure is on even more, lol! But that is why I have been away for so long. So I'm just asking for a little bit more patience with me. :)

Thank you for reading and reviewing the previous chapter! I'm afraid we've took a different turn with this one . . . There's only going to be one or two more chapters for this story and then it's all complete! :D 'Citing! I feel this could have been better written, but to be honest I'm still battling writers block and have been writing this alllll day and I'm pooped, so I hope it'll suffice! :) I hope you can let me know what you think . . . if y'all still reading! ;) And if you wanna connect (cos I love chatting with Mediator fans!) add me on **Facebook - Bunnylass** or **Twitter - Bunnylass17**. :)

Anonymous reviews for chapter four are at the bottom and the lyrics are - _'Adele' - 'Set Fire To The Rain'_ . . . ENJOY!

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_'I let it fall, my heart, and as it fell you rose to claim it. It was dark and I was over, until you kissed my lips and you saved me . . .'_

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_**Set Fire To The Rain...**_

'_You make me feel like I'm living a, teen-age dream . . ._'

"Suze, you're doing it again," Gina snarled from where she was sitting at my tiny apartment sized kitchen table, estate agent flyers spread around in front of her. Her head was down, her bright curly, immaculate hair cascading down past her shoulders. I couldn't see her face, but I knew she was smiling. She loves me really, small annoying traits and all. "You know how I feel about the humming. You'll ruin a perfectly good song for me if you keep that up." She looked up at me, mimicking my humming and flighty attitude.

I poked my tongue out at her in response and sat down opposite her at the table.

"You're just jealous because I'm so stupidly happy and moving in with my oh so gorgeous Spanish doctor boyfriend," I laughed, dodging her swipe at me with a piece of paper. Even the possibility of a paper cut wasn't going to stop me from flying around on cloud nine. Nothing has for the past year and a half and nothing will now. "Who by the way has got a friend who would really like to take you out on a date and you keep turning down? I don't know how much longer I can hear him moan about how much he likes you, Gina, please just put him out of his misery!" '_Not coming down off my high; not coming down off my high_,' I mentally repeated to myself.

Gina's thin, perfectly manicured eyebrows rose at me. "Are you on _crack_, Simon?" She asked in disbelief. "There is no way I'm going out with that guy, he's a drip! And more importantly, I don't need you or Jesse trying to set me up with anyone, I'm more than capable of finding my own men thanks. I've never had any trouble in the past . . ." She waggled her eyebrows at me suggestively.

Laughing I dropped the subject and focused on the paperwork in front of me. My thoughts hadn't dropped it though and I slipped off into my own little world, Gina says I do way more now than I ever did before. I know Gina doesn't need help finding dates, she never has. Men have been lining around the block for years to date my best friend. But lately it's like her dating life has suddenly stopped. _Finite_! Gina's not the type of girl who needs to be with a guy or have one to make herself feel better. But she's a social butterfly and for her to suddenly, well, cocoon herself is a little bit worrying. She tells me every time I bring it up that she's fine and I'm stressing over nothing, but my best friend instincts are throwing warning signs at me.

Sooo, Jesse and I might have possibly tried to set her up with someone!

Well you can imagine how _that_ one went! She slammed the door in the guys face and has been ignoring him ever since. He's a really good looking guy! Definitely someone Gina would have considered if she'd seen him out on the town. Yeah, maybe he's a little bit too sensitive and seems to have 'fallen in love' with her on first sight - even Jesse was freaked by that one - but with a little bit of time and coercing, I'm sure he's a real catch! He's friends with Jesse after all. But my best friend has rebuffed every effort he's made at trying to woo her. So much that it's gotten to the point that if I know he's going to be anywhere Jesse and I go, I quickly change my plans so I don't have to explain to him that Gina really isn't interested.

"You might be enjoying riding cloud nine in loved-up-Ville, Simon," Gina commented, seemingly reading my thoughts. "But the rest of us happen to be quite happy without stilletoed feet firmly planted on the ground," She smiled, taking the edge off her words. Nodding I consented to let the whole subject drop permanently. I wasn't going to bug her about it; Gina's far too stubborn for that. "Ok, I'm starting to get bored of looking at the same pieces of paper, have you two found anything yet?" She asked, gesturing towards all the leaflets advertising the apartments up for rent in and around the city.

Blowing out a breath I sat back in my seat.

"Believe it or not, but Jesse is the one who's being picky about where we're going to live." I grumbled, shoving the papers away.

Jesse and I have been together for over a year and a half now and things have never been better for me! So good in fact, that we've been looking into moving in together. I thought I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment with a guy, the whole sharing of space; sharing of the cooking, cleaning and time with the remote. But when it came up that my lease on my apartment would be up in two months and I was thinking of looking for something bigger, Jesse just casually suggested we look for a place together. As if he just suggested we go for a walk in Central Park and get an ice-cream. I did stare at him like he'd just grown two heads for a minute, but as soon as I realised that the little flippy rapid beating thing my heart was doing was because of excitement and not fear, I just smiled and said, "Sure, why not." As simple as that, we were agreeing to move in together.

If any of my friends or family had said to me a couple of years ago that a guy was going to suggest we move in and start to really share our life together, I would have laughed in their faces and said no one was taking my independence away from me that easily. But then Jesse had suggested just that, and so easily I had said yes. It's not like he was talking about marriage or anything - even if _I_ have thought about it - but it is still a big, big deal for me. It means having him come and go at all hours of the day and night because of his chaotic work arrangement and being on call. This means my sleep will be interrupted, which means grumpy Suze, and no-one wants that. I know that it seems like that's a pretty pathetic argument, but I'm the Queen of over-analysing everything.

I was still waiting for the shock to hit me even after he left to go to work that night, but it never came.

For hours I've thought about what it would be like to live with Jesse and be able to spend a little more time with him than I am now. The more I do over-think it, the more I know that I really want to do it. It's going to be tricky trying to work out boundaries and space; it's not as if New York apartments are the biggest, unless you happen to get lucky. But weirdly, that is all stuff I can't wait for. Because the simple fact is, I love Jesse; more than I thought was possible to love one person. So much so that most of the time, I feel like I can't breathe, like I can't contain and keep it in. I want to stand on top of the Empire State and scream at the top of my lungs how happy and in love with him I am! I've even tried writing it down, just so I could feel like I was releasing some of it somehow, but it never works. Because the simple fact is, there just aren't enough words to describe how I feel.

There is no one, massive, intense and all encompassing word that can describe that one emotion. Trust me; I've tried looking for it!

I've been completely bowled over by Jesse. He's just as romantic, thoughtful and considerate now, as he was when I first met him that Valentine's Day. I'm still shocked when I open the door to him holding a bunch of beautiful flowers; or when I'm feeling miserable and having a bad day and he's right there with my favourite chocolate and a foot massage. I love the attention he pays me when we go out and I feel totally out of my depth with all the super smart people, but he always has some kind of physical contact with me or one eye watching me walk around the room. He makes me feel like I'm the most important person, like no one else matters so long as I'm there by his side.

But more than that, it's the way it feels like he's not just passing a glance at me; it's that every time he does look into my eyes, I feel robbed of breath at the depth in them. My eyes fill with tears when I think about how much I love him and how much I know he loves me. His touch, no matter how small or intense, still gives me shivers, touching nerves I didn't even know I had! I've never been so happy and I don't ever want to come down from it. It's not to say we don't have our arguments, because we do. But they don't last more than a couple of minutes and he always holds me so tightly afterwards, like that fight was going to be the one that never got resolved. Sometimes I just sit and watch him sleep, or stare at him across the room and question how I somehow managed to get so lucky and score such an incredible guy. I've started to realise that sometimes good things can happen to me.

Jesse is the best one of all!

I don't see the world as dark and unforgiving as I once did. I've even started to have a better relationship with my mom. The kind of mother/daughter friendship I didn't think I ever would have with her. She adores Jesse and has always said she only wants to see me happy. But I think it surprises even her at just how - dare I say it - bubbly I am. So many good things have happened for me since meeting him, he's changed me in such a way that sometimes I wonder if I'm anything like I was before Jesse anymore. But then I have days with Gina and she reminds me that I'm the still the same witty, sarcastic Suze from before. Just with a much softer side now. She always knows how to make it right.

"Ok Suze, I've been no help here as you've drifted back into gaga land," Gina said as she stood up, smirking at the indignant look on my face. "Don't look at me like that; I know you've been thinking about him, you've got that dopey look on your face again. If you need my un-help again, give me a shout. We'll work on him together. Call you later." She continued, taking the two steps around the table to squeeze my shoulder as she passed me.

Laughing I called out a thanks and waited until I heard my apartment door close a few minutes later before shuffling my stack of possible apartment leaflets into order of what I liked and disliked. I was just starting to hum some other love song, breaking out of my focused attention on the papers when I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise like they do when you know someone's watching you. Nervously I turned in my seat to find Jesse leaning in the doorway of my kitchen, watching me intensely. I yelped and threw a hand to my chest to steady my racing heart and smiled at him.

"Thanks for the scare, handsome," I breathed, my excitement at seeing him overtaking the shock of being startled. "I wasn't expecting you until later? Never mind," I rambled on, getting up to take his hand to drag him into the kitchen, ignoring his stoic silence while I chattered on. "I've sorted these out into best, worst and what we can afford and your task for tonight is to pick at least three out of the lot and settle on them, okay? Time's ticking; we've got to get moving on this unless you want me moving into your tiny apartment with you." I laughed, trying to hand him some leaflets.

It was only then that I really looked at Jesse and instantly shut my mouth to say something else. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong. I tried to ignore the slight cramping in my stomach that told me I was going to somehow hear something I didn't want to.

Nervously, I reached out a hand and settled it on Jesse's arm, hoping he would actually look me in the eye for the first time since finding him in my kitchen. "Jesse, what's wrong? You look . . . I don't . . . Talk to me?" I asked, tugging on his arm a little, still trying to get him to look at me. He shook his head a little, but I didn't know if it was at me or him and I was starting to get really scared by his silence. Jesse does silent and brooding, but never to this extent or like this. I've never had such a feeling of being shut out by him before and I hated the few seconds of it. "You're really starting to scare me, Jesse, _what_ is going on?"

Raising his head at last, he looked me dead in the eye and said those few words that no woman wants to hear, because it never means anything good.

"_Querida_, we need to talk."

xXx

There are few things I have done in my life that I could call foolish. The ones that I can call that consist of a boy trying to impress his friends and failing. As I grew up, I tried my best to put my best foot forward and not take anything for granted. My loving parents were very quick to make myself and my sisters appreciate the fine things we have in our lives. But to also seize any opportunity to come our way and follow our dreams, no matter where and how long it will take us to get there. I have learnt easily that you must find a balance between those two lessons my parents taught me and that the balance I wish to achieve can be just as delicate to maintain as happiness can be. But I have tried my utmost whilst learning all of these important things, to not be a fool.

But now, it seems, I have failed yet again. Now I have to deal with the consequences that I fear will have troubling side-effects.

The walk to Susannah's apartment seemed to take me much longer than it normally would. I know the route so well I could possibly walk it with my eyes closed. I say hello to vendors I pass, smile at the little lady who always serves me the flowers I buy for my dearest love. It's a walk I have enjoyed each time and without feeling as though my shoes are lead lined and halting my progress . . . like they are today. I cannot muster a smile or a cheer for the friends I have made in the past eighteen months. I cannot bring myself to raise my head and catch a glimmer of sunshine breaking through between the buildings, bathing the pavement with its last glows of the day. I don't feel as though I have the right to be taking in that kind of beauty and warmth; when all I feel is ashamed and ice-cold inside.

I'm appalled to admit that I would much rather go back to my own apartment and put the very important talk off with, Susannah. But then that would make me an even bigger fool than I already have been and my pride propels me forward. She wasn't expecting to see me until much later on. She thought I was at work, not knowing that for the past three days I haven't actually been. More deception I hate myself for keeping from her. Lie's have never gotten anyone anywhere and I feel more and more ashamed and disgusted with myself for having to carry them out.

My heart and mind have been heavy with turmoil for a while and Susannah, sweet Susannah has not known.

Entering her building I choose to take the stairs to stall time, rather than using the lift. They don't leave me breathless by the time I reach her floor, though I wish they did. Anything to stop me from having to say the words I dread having to say. I can't help but hope that maybe things will turn out differently and won't be as difficult as my instincts are telling me. I have never wanted them to be as wrong as I do now. The hallway leading to her front door seems to stretch on for miles before me. I know I am being a - what would Susannah call it? - a wuss; but I can't bring myself to not fear this very talk. I have kept too much from Susannah and I know that it will only cause more conflict than necessary.

I was just approaching Susannah's door when it suddenly opened and I came face to face with her best friend, Gina. Taken aback, I stepped backwards until my back hit the wall, staring at her, my guilt written all across my features. Gina opened her mouth to say something, her original smile that had appeared when she first spotted me, disappearing as she quickly read my reaction to coming across her.

"Okay," Gina started, pulling Susannah's door closed until there was only a narrow gap left, her eyes pinning me to the wall like daggers. "What the hell is going on?" She asked me brusquely. Swallowing involuntarily I felt my shoulders slump from the slight loss of weight of someone noticing the turmoil I have been carrying out for the last few days. "No man has that kind of reaction, or looks that terrified when seeing their girlfriend's best friend, without a really good reason." She crossed her arms in front of her, her eyes boring deep into me making me slump a little bit more against the wall. Seeing me look so deflated, Gina suddenly lost her hard expression and furrowed her brown into a frown of worry.

"Geez, Jesse, what's wrong?" She asked, stepping forward, her hand partly outstretched towards me, but not touching me. "I'll get, Suze." She suddenly said, turning on her heel to go back into the apartment. But I stopped her before her hand even touched the door handle.

"No! Please, don't. I need a few minutes to collect myself before I go in there. Please . . ." I implored Gina, my voice sounding weak to my own ears. Gina's eyebrows shot high in question and wariness before slowly nodding her consent. I relaxed again, my head hanging low. "I've been such a fool . . ." I muttered to myself quietly, partly forgetting Gina was there before me. "Such an _engañar_ . . ." I murmured again. Sighing I raised my head and my shoulders - trying very hard to pull myself back together into some semblance of pride. "Please excuse me, Gina." I said, clearing my throat before nodding and stepping around her to go into Susannah's apartment. I turned back to look at her as I closed the door, her eyes were full of question and concern.

But I just shut the door against them.

I stood staring at the closed door, taking deep silent breaths in and out. It was incredibly rude of me to have shut the door in Gina's face, but I could not stand to see her scrutinize me. If this dilemma had come up eighteen months ago, it would not have been a dilemma at all. My mind would not be racing around constantly trying to find ways of telling Susannah something that was too important to have kept from her. But that was not an option open to me now, and there is something much larger at stake now . . . Susannah. The woman I am so fathomlessly in love with; a love that grows more and more with each passing day and moment I spend with her. The love I am hoping will forgive me for my slight deception and forgive me.

Pushing away from Susannah's front door, I move through her living room until I reach the kitchen where I stood silently watching her in the doorway. Instantly I feel my hands become clammy with nervousness, while my heart skips a little bit quicker, watching her slim delicate fingers moving the pieces of paper around on the table in front of her. Her beautiful shiny hair falling over one of her shoulders where she carelessly pushed it back. Her head was tilted slightly to one side as she concentrated on what she was doing, a slight humming tune floating to me. I had been watching her for a few minutes when she sensed me watching her. She turned and looked at me, jumping slightly before recovering and a smooth, gentle smile graced her beautiful features.

The disgust for me grew tenfold from seeing her smile.

I avoided all eye contact with her; I couldn't bear to have her see the turmoil I knew was deep in my eyes. She took my hand, her ramblings barely going through my muddled mind as she mentioned something about picking three properties to choose from by the end of the evening. I almost jerked my hand from hers at the mention of the commitment I had proposed and would now have to rearrange. But it did not take long for Susannah to sense my uneasiness and the fear of my disconnection was clear in her sharp voice as she broke through my haze jumbling my mind.

"You're really starting to scare me, Jesse, _what_ is going on?"

Looking up at last, so my eyes were boring deep within to Susannah's, I hoarsely said the only thing I could think to say, to start the difficult discussion I would much rather have put off for a lot longer. "_Querida_, we need to talk." I knew the moment I said it that I should have chosen different words, but it was too late, they had already made their impact. The shutters had come down over Susannah's eyes.

Letting go of my hand, Susannah took a step backwards, her arms coming up to cross over her chest, almost a mimic of Gina in the hallway. This time it was me who reached out and tried to touch her, but the look on my loves face told me it was not a wise idea. I have learnt in the time I have been with Susannah, that heeding that warning is generally better for me than to ignore it; this time being no different. I could already see her trying to put up some kind of emotional barrier to protect her, though I knew she had no idea of what I needed so desperately to talk to her about.

Raising her chin in silent defiance, Susannah broke the icy silence between us. "I don't think anything good has ever come out of someone saying those words," She said, a slight tremble in her voice though she hid it well. A lesser man would not have detected it. But I am not just any man, I am the one Susannah has opened up to in so many ways, trusting me with her secrets and dreams. Oh, the pain of possibly having her regret that decision made my chest throb with fire. "But please, go ahead and prove me wrong. Please . . ."

Sighing at the truth of her words and the silent plea to not be hurt at the end, I took a step forward and again tried to touch her to no avail.

"Susannah, can we sit down?" I asked, pulling her chair out in silent offering.

Snorting with derision, Susannah moved across the kitchen, shuffling things on the countertop. "Whatever you have to talk to me about you can say to me standing, Jesse. Sitting down isn't going to make any difference," She answered stiffly, a mug moving from one spot on the side to another, back and forth, each time placed somewhere differently. I could see a slight shake to her hands; this time I did lay my hand on her shoulder, trying to have her turn to face me. Susannah shrugged me off and stepped away until her back hit the next countertop. "Get on with it, Jesse, what's going on?"

I have always thought of myself as calm and patient. I have never understood people who pace when nervous or impatient. But this time I found myself sympathizing with them, my feet carrying me back and forth in a figure eight pattern as I ran my hands through my hair trying to bring my erratic thoughts into some kind of order.

"_Querida_," I began, swallowing and chancing glances at her. "You have to know first that what I did was before I had met you, when I had no responsibilities other than to myself; that if I could go back I would have been honest from the beginning in-stead of being a coward and burying my head in the sand about the matter. I truly believed it would not matter, that if it did come to pass that it would have happened before now, and I forgot about it over time. Though that was foolish of me, but I allowed myself to be swept away by you and I never intended to hurt you and turn your life upside down, Susannah. You have to believe that." I spoke quick and brokenly, my words making no sense even to my own ears.

Susannah stared at me in confusion and frustration. "What are you even talking about? Jesse, you're making no sense! What haven't you been honest with me about?" She went to take a step towards me but decided against it and went back to crossing her shaking arms across her chest. Her green eyes were alight with a spark that I knew if ignited, would turn into a flaming fire so hot, I would burn for a very long time to come.

Stilling my pacing, I stopped and looked at her, taking a breath before I explained again; more coherently this time.

"Before I met you Susannah, I put in for a transfer to another hospital . . . A hospital in California. I never expected to hear back from them; it had been so long ago I had simply forgotten about it! Until a week ago, when I received a letter saying my application had been accepted and there is to be an immediate start. They are very keen to have me as part of their team and that before now a position had not been open for me to be able to transfer there. And then I met you, _querida_, and I forgot about it, I was intent on starting to build a future with you. That is still what I want; you must know that, Susannah." I implored, my eyes begging her to let down her guard and allow me in again.

But it seemed what I had said had only made it worse. I could see my words sinking in as she turned them over in her mind; over and over again.

Dropping her arms, Susannah tilted her head to the side in a contemplative gesture. There was nothing soft and alluring about her words - just hard cold questions. "What exactly is it you're saying to me here, Jesse? Because all I just heard was that you made a pretty big life changing decision to move across the country before you met me, but then decided to not let me in on that fact, at any point of our relationship . . . even though there was still a possibility it _was_ going to happen . . . that it is happening - _now_." Her voice rose a little higher the more she spoke. Each question and statement was a dagger piercing my heart deeper and deeper.

I had done the one thing I was trying so desperately to avoid . . . hurting and betraying her.

"Susannah, I know I should have told you - "

"Are you kidding me?" She interrupted me, pushing away from the kitchen counter and stepping towards me. The fire had been fully ignited now and her anger was flaring at me brightly. I felt my shoulders slump a little at the pain beneath that fire, fuelling it more. "Are you _kidding_?" She repeated shrilly. "Damn right you _should_ have told me! Who the hell keeps something like that from their _girlfriend_? From the person you suggested _move in with you_! _You_, Jesse - you made that offer to make that commitment, all the while knowing there was a chance it wouldn't last. How could you do that to me! You _bastard_!" Susannah growled, thumping her fist against my chest so hard I took a step backwards.

Reaching out I seized her wrists lightly, but she tore them from me. "Susannah, please . . ." I tried, her expression cutting me off. I have never seen my love look at me in such a way . . . in a way that broke my heart like no other could. Tears were falling carelessly down her cheeks unchecked. Her skin flamed with rage, her eyes furious, hurt and devastated all at once. I wanted nothing more than to take her into my arms and take the pain away; that I had put there unnecessarily. I did not blame her for reaching out and hitting me, I would like nothing more than to enact physical pain on myself. As it was, all I could do was follow her out into the living room and watch her wring her hands repeatedly where she stood in the centre of the room.

"I don't . . . I don't understand how you could be so thoughtless. _You_, of all people!" She seemed to say half to herself and half to me. I do not know whether she was purposefully saying what she was to hurt me, but it was working nonetheless.

Standing behind the couch, I could only continue to watch. "This wasn't how I wanted this discussion to go, Susannah," I started, though it sounded pathetic to my ears too. "I know I was not honest with you and please believe me when I say I am sorry for keeping such an important thing from you. I never should have proposed moving in together with this unknown offer silent between us. But . . . but this doesn't have to change our plans too much. We can alter them; you can come to California with me. I want that, Susannah; I want you to come with me. I want to continue to start our future together. We can start anew together . . ."

The look on Susannah's face shunned me into silence yet again. I truly believed she was going to fly across the room at me. I started to think back over what I had just said, trying in vain to see where I went wrong to have elicited such a hateful look in her eyes. But try as I might, I just could not see what I had said wrong.

"Wait a minute - you're _going_ - to California? You're _still_ going to California any-way?" She quietly asked.

"Well, yes I always was going to. This is an opportunity I cannot pass on, _querida_. I thought - I thought you knew that. It is something I have always hoped for, it has always been a dream for me, for as long as I have wanted to be a doctor," I smiled encouragingly, hoping that maybe I would be able to have her see what an incredible chance this is for the both of us. "That was why I had put in for the transfer in the first place. The perks are fantastic, Susannah, you will love it there! We can buy a big house, far bigger than we would get here, you - "

"I'm not going to California with you, Jesse." Susannah interrupted me, her voice dangerously low and steady. Her tears stained her cheeks, but had halted for now. She stood deathly still, her hands no longer shaking. There was just a very strong intensity to her voice; her demeanour giving off warnings that she was very, very upset. "You are delusional to think this bit of news you've been keeping from me, is suddenly the answer to everything and that I will be following you across the country, for you to start your precious _dream_," She snarled dangerously, taking a step across the room. "Now - get out of my home."

I was shocked . . . Words seemed to be failing me and so did all rational thought and action. I could only stand and stare at her, blinking to clear away the fog, as though that would make sense of what she had said to me.

"I do not understand, Susannah . . . why?" I stuttered, shaking my head in confusion.

I was even more shocked to see her laughing at what I had said. Her mood shifting from one extreme to the other in far more a cataclysmic way than her normal mood swings. At least those I know how to avoid and cure with chocolate. This time I knew I was far out of my depth, in more ways than one. She had been giving off signals I chose to ignore and evade, because in many ways, I did not want to acknowledge them. I did not want to acknowledge that our talk had been going from bad, to worse, to almost irreversible. And still she stood there, laughing at me, tears falling down her face yet again. I knew they were not from laughter though. That much I could see and understand.

Sighing and calming down from her laughter, Susannah shook her head, her anger seeming to ebb away as quickly as it had come. She stared at me with such a look of pity; I feel it would have hurt less for her to have punched me again.

"You really have to ask me that?" She questioned, looking for an answer. I nodded in return. "Fine, I'll tell you why . . . Because you are so utterly _clueless_, Jesse. Do you realise you've strolled in here and dropped this massive bomb that to me has come out of _no-where_ and still you expect me to be a good little girlfriend and say, '_OK, when do we leave?_'. Like you really think I'm going to be submissive or something," Susannah started pacing again, not seeming to know what to do with herself or her hands. She chose to pick up a couch cushion to pluck at. "You really don't see a problem here do you? I can't believe - I really, really can't believe that you have told me you've been offered a job in California that you're taking, and without hesitation, or spoken to me about it or considered how I would feel, are just going to pack up and _go_. Like that!" She said, snapping her fingers. "Have you heard yourself? You're picking your career . . . your '_dreams_' over me. The woman you tell everyday that you love unconditionally . . . _Now_, ask me why, Jesse."

Furrowing my brow, for the first time I could feel my own irritation and anger start to bubble to the surface slightly.

"Susannah, you know how important my job is to me," I narrowed my eyes, hurt that she would question me in such a way. Try as I might, I just could not put myself in her position. I was offering a new chance for the two of us. I was offering a new opportunity for her too. To not be with Susannah has never entered my mind since I received my letter. But to turn the position down has never been considered either. "I was never going to turn this opportunity down, whether it had come to pass before you or now. If you decide to not come, then we will make it work another way. But my job is far too important to me to not go."

"What about me?" She questioned disbelievingly. "Am _I_ not important to you?"

"Of course you are _querida_, which is why I want you to come with me." I coaxed, determined not to give up.

Shaking her head, Susannah clutched her pillow even tighter to her. "No . . . No, Jesse. I'm not doing that. I'm not coming with you to California. Not now, not ever," She replied. She licked her lips, her hands shakily dashing away the tears slipping down her cheeks again. As frustrated as I was becoming that she couldn't see my position, I still saw that her emotions were raw and unchartered and that urge to take her into my arms and hold her until she let me in and I had the old Susannah back, was just as strong as ever. "And it won't - it won't work any other way. I'm not waiting around for you, Jesse. I thought I knew you . . . that something like this if it came up wouldn't go the way it's going. But I was so completely wrong about you. I've been wrong this whole time. You don't care about me like you say you do - "

"Susannah you know I love you, don't say that." I interrupted her, walking around the couch until I was standing in front of her. I took her shoulders in my hands, shaking her a little. I lifted her chin with my finger until she was looking at me. "You can see it when I look at you, its right there, where it has always been."

"No it's not," She murmured, not fighting to get out of my grip. "I'll never stand for being second best, Jesse. You're right; I do know how important your job is to you. If I didn't know it before, than I definitely do now. I'm not asking you to give up your dream, or have you choose between me and it. Because I'm going to make that decision for you . . . I'm done. I don't want to be with you anymore. I'll never be placed where I don't feel as though I come first, when I know I should. When I know I'm not asking for anything other than you to see how unfair you're being. All you've done since you've got here, is show me how little you think of me and our relationship . . . I can't be in that place, Jesse. You can leave now."

Susannah moved out of my arms to stand on the other side of the room, by her front door. I continued to stay where I was, staring down at the spot she had just been occupying, her words bouncing around inside my mind, her voice sounded like it was coming to me from far away. I couldn't compute what had just happened, what had just been said.

"I thought . . . I thought we could overcome anything, because we were together," Susannah was saying, her voice trembling, the raw emotion seemed to be breaking through the numbness thawing out from my heart, across my chest and throughout my body. My legs felt like they were going to collapse beneath me from the weight pushing down upon them. "You made me happier than I've ever been. More than I thought was ever possible. I thought I was going to be enough for you. But I see now that I was wrong, that I'm not; that I never will be."

Blinking, I continued to try and not let my legs give out. I was wracking my mind for an explanation, for a solution, a compromise to happen between us. Anything other than that of the solution Susannah was offering. The idea of her saying no coming to California was a minor one, because I truly thought she would. But I also truly believe that the chance of us working with her still being here could work . . . it has to work . . .

"No . . ." I croakily answered. Clearing my throat I tried again, turning to stare at Susannah across the room. "No, this doesn't have to be the end. We can make this work, Susannah. We can still be together if you're here and I work there. I can stay for my holidays with you; you can come to me for yours. If we want this, we can make this work, I want this to work," Shakily I willed my legs to take me to where she was leaning against the wall, her eyes closed off to the world and me. I took her face in my shaking hands, rubbing her cheeks with my calloused thumbs. "_Querida_, we can make this work, I know we can. But please, you have to understand, I cannot turn this position down. _Please_ tell me you understand!"

"No, I don't understand. And no, it won't work," Susannah whispered, her breath softly blowing across my dry lips as she slowly opened her eyes to look at me. "It's too far away . . . Jesse we barely manage to spend an extended amount of time together being in the same city. There's too much distance - and too much has been done and said now. How do you expect me to trust you again? How do you expect me to try and create a future with you, which mean your job is first priority and I'm second? Call me selfish, but I deserve more than what you're offering me. We're done, Jesse. There is nothing you can say or do to change my mind. You've made your dreams come true, congratulations. I'm just sorry I wasn't also a dream for you . . ."

Bursting into tears, she tore away from me, wrapping her arms about herself with her back to me.

My own tears silently fell down my face, my mind and heart in absolute turmoil. I wanted to say what she wanted to hear . . . I wanted to tell her that I would turn the chance down and stay here with her. Here where the only thing that I love and enjoy is Susannah. New York has never held anything for me, which is why I chose to transfer and be somewhere I've always wanted to work and where I would feel less cramped and choked. Susannah is the one in love with the city, not I. I wanted to say that, I wanted to do that for her . . . but it was not the right answer. It would not solve the problems. Too much had been said, done and thought on both sides as she said.

Apparently, compromising isn't an option and neither is either of being selfless for one another . . .

It was with the heaviest heart and soul that I had to concede to Susannah's wish. To accept that the love that has kept me going for so long, made me so happy and at peace when with her, was to be no-more. The realization of that alone made my heart constrict so painfully it took the very breath from my lungs. My hand reached out to steady me against the wall, my eyes burning and stinging from the tears and pain caused to us both. I needed one more . . . one more moment with Susannah. I needed that moment to be the one to mend my heart. So I told myself.

Crossing to Susannah jerkily, I once again turned her around and ensconced her in my arms, fitting her against my chest in a perfect fit. I wrapped my arms around her as tightly as I dared, my nose buried in the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent and perfume, my hands stroking her smooth chestnut hair as I felt her weep against and with me. I pressed a soft kiss to her bare shoulder before pulling away enough to press a more pressured kiss to her wet throbbing lips; her acceptance of me an instant and hungered one. But I just as quickly broke away, letting go of her, the moment and my love all in one breath. Before Susannah realised it, I had crossed back to the door and was half way out of it, my tears still falling down my face.

I stopped just short of closing the door, turning back to stare at my love, once more. She was staring back at me, expectantly. I know what she wanted me to say, but I could not do it . . . I could not.

"_Querida_," I softly said; a faint, sad smile on my face. "You have been a part of my dreams from the moment I met you . . . That will never change."

Turning away I walked through the door and closed it on Susannah . . . and our relationship.

* * *

_'But there's a side to you that I never knew. All the things you'd say, they were never true. And the games you play, you would always win . . ._

_But I set fire to the rain. Watched it pour as I touched your face. Well, it burned while I cried, 'cause I heard it screaming out your name!_'

* * *

_**Anonymous Reviews:**_

_**Semime xD**__ -_ Hey there! Thank you so much for reviewing chapter four! I am so sorry it's been such a long time since I updated this story. I have a million and one reasons for that, but I'll bore you to tears if I list them. ;) But I really, really do appreciate your enthusiasm and excitement for this story! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't shocked by how great the response has been, lol. :D In answer to your question, this is definitely not all! There's going to be one, maybe two more chapters and then that's the end. :( Aw, now I'm sad, lol. But I really, really hope this chapter has been worth the wait for you! Fingers crossed I can write the next one soon. ;) Thank you ever so much for your review, you're a gem! :) Take care! Lots of love and hugs, Jax xoxox

_**DONOTFEEDMEPIXIESTIX**_ - Hey ya! Lil' question...what are pixie stix? Lol! Awesome screen name though. ;) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for such an incredible review for chapter 4! I'm really pleased you like this story so much! I hadn't forgotten about it, I've just been super busy. But one or two more chapters and this will be completed. It's been a great lil' run though. I really hope you liked this chapter and the remaining, hun! And again, thank you for reviewing! :) Take care! Love and hugs, Jax xoxox

_**Fangrules -**_ Hey hun! Hahaha, I'm so sorry I've made you wait so long for this update! Judging by your second review, you're anxious for this and some 'Conflicting Danger' sequel in your inbox...I hope this chapter has partly sated your hunger, lol! But its reviews like yours that get my muse into gear and have me writing! I'm not kidding; it really, really does help! Thank you! :) I am so sorry you've all had to wait so long, there has been a lot of changes going on with my life and I honestly haven't realised so much time has passed! It's awful! I hope I can try and be quicker with the last chapter or so. At least I know where I'm going with this, lol! I really hope you've enjoyed this chapter! Thank you so much for the second review, it's made me damn glad I sat and wrote this for you all. :) Speak soon, take care! Lots of love and hugs, Jax xoxox


	6. You

_**A/N: **_This is it! The END! Aw, it's been such an incredible and emotional ride with this story! It's been one of my most successful, even though it was written on a whim and without a lot of thought or plot to the story, it's one I am very proud to have written. I can't thank all you readers enough for the incredible amount of support and love and devotion you've given to this story! I appreciated every single review, hit, favourite and alert it's garnered. :) YOU ALL ROCK! Thank you so much for being so endlessly patient with me with its updates too. I know I've kept you all waiting a long time, but I hope this is worth it for you all.

I really don't feel like I'm saying thank you enough so . . . _**THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!**_ :) Any anonymous reviews will be up on my profile in the next couple of days and any signed reviews that haven't been given for the previous chapter will be done in due course too. I'm posting this now because I'm scared I'll scrap it and re-write it, lol! So that being said, I hope you all enjoy the last chapter and thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading! I hope you can leave one last review. :)

Song - _'You' - Evanescence_

* * *

_The words have been drained from this pencil, sweet words that I want to give you, and I can't sleep I need to tell you . . . When we're together, I feel perfect. When I'm pulled away from you, I fall apart. All you say is sacred to me; your eyes are so blue I can't look away. As we lay in the stillness you whisper to me . . ._

* * *

_**You**_

With the biggest sigh I could muster I pushed the open pack of delicious milk chocolate away from me along the couch and sat back with a huff. Five, four, three, two, one - and I was soon pulling it back to me. "Bye bye, willpower," I muttered to myself as I tucked into even more chocolate. I didn't need it and haven't since the moment Jesse walked out of my door and didn't look back. Cue the tears falling down my cheeks unchecked. The same thing I've been doing on and off for weeks and I'm getting pretty sick of the taste of salt in my mouth. It's starting to taste more and bitterer. It's just a shame nothing works to make me feel better. Not even my best friend is snapping me out of it.

I am _not_ thinking about who would.

"Get over it already, Suze!" I snapped to myself, throwing the blanket off my legs and abruptly standing up off the couch. The remote clanked loudly off the floor, but I just ignored it and marched for the kitchen. I headed straight for the fridge where a nice bottle of red wine was ready and waiting for me. I put it off as long as I could all night, chocolate kept me going. But frankly, I needed something stronger and alcohol was the cure. "Come to me," I said, grabbing a glass from the counter as I headed back for my warm spot on the couch; with a pretty prominent indentation of my butt in the cushion where I've obviously been sitting around a hell of a lot.

With my hand cradling my wine and the sweet smell of chocolate floating to me, I put my film back on. Not a romantic comedy or blood spurting action; just a simple coming of age drama to get me through yet another lonely night with just me and my thoughts. Gina's been trying to snap me out of my rut of this routine for weeks, only getting as far as actually dragging me out with her a grand total of twice. It seemed like everywhere I turned there were couples surrounding me, or sleazy men trying to come on to me. It just made me feel worse than I already did.

This is pretty impressive considering!

I tried to focus on the film, I really did. But just like every other spare moment of my days since he left, my mind quickly slipped back to Jesse. I could see him in my mind as though he was standing right in front of me. His dark hair shining in the sunlight peeking between the tall buildings as we stood out on the streets of New York; his generous smile showing perfect white teeth as he looked at me; those deep fathomless eyes that have drawn me in deeper since the first moment I met him; that scar running through his eyebrow I love to trace with my finger; that deep, sexy accent purring my nickname as he leans in to kiss me . . .

I blinked out of my daydream to find my hand outstretched, stroking thin air where his face _should_ be hovering by me.

And that's when the first body-shaking sob took me over.

I pressed a hand to my chest, as if that would stop it from hurting so much. The pain hasn't eased over time, it's just gotten slowly and painfully worse. So has my bitterness and anger towards him. I balled my hands into fists, mentally telling myself to grow the hell up and stop pining over someone who is not coming back for me. God I wish he would though. As much as I hate Jesse for doing what he did, I just can't stop myself from wishing he would come back and tell me he made a terrible mistake. Because he did . . . _he_ made the biggest mistake, _not_ me. My heart thumps so hard in my chest when someone just knocks on the door and every-time my hope dwindles more and more when I disappointingly open it to someone other than Jesse. I feel so lost and hurt . . . no man has every affected me or made me hurt as much as Jesse has.

And I hate him a little more each day for that.

I never understood those people in the romance films who just walk around in a daze when they've had their heart-broken, looking like zombies in a world full of life. But I do now; I get it more than I wish I did. Leaving my flat for work has gotten worse each day. I can't even think about the idea of going to see my friends or talk to my family. I feel so sick and dizzy at the thought of it. I go through work on autopilot that's gotten me in trouble more than once since _he_ left. I just can't function, I see a tall man with dark glossy hair and my heart instantly seizes in my chest hoping that it's Jesse. I know - I _know_ instantly that it's not him, but I want to hunt the stranger down who dares to have the same hair as my - _no_ - no longer mine. I want to beat at his chest and shout at him for leaving me with no hopes, for destroying my dreams and breaking my heart into millions of tiny pieces!

I want to tell him how much I want him back and would follow him to the ends of the earth if it meant never having to wake up without him beside me. How much it hurts to not be able to turn to him when I need him.

"_God I need him_," I choked on a sob, my hands coming up to cover my face as the tears fell hard and fast.

I want to take all the pain and throw it under a train. I want to send it to him in the mail or tear it to pieces like he did my heart. It's so corny and ridiculous and it's so damn true, it just makes me cry even harder. I replay that last scene with him over and over in my head on a hourly basis, analyzing it, forgiving him in one instant and berating myself; to just hating him and cursing love and all its baggage and crap that goes along with it. I wish I never fell in love and gave my heart away. It's not worth it; love is a curse that people should avoid at all costs. All it does is lead to pain, no matter what.

Lunging forward, still sobbing hard I grabbed my wine glass from the table and choked down a mouthful or two, ignoring the way it tasted as sour as it went down. A taste I'm more than getting used to now.

It took longer than it should, but I finally started to calm down. The film was just playing to itself, I missed so much of it any-way. The world could be coming to an end and I wouldn't know about it. Ha, who am I kidding? My world has come to an end and I wish to hell it wasn't because of a guy; a tall, sexy, Spanish doctor guy who quite literally swept me off my feet since day one and hadn't put me down once, other than to take the time the walk out of my door and my life forever. God, why does it _hurt_ so much?

I was just reaching for my wine - mind numbing alcohol - again when Gina came storming through my front door in her usual way. No delicate knocking and waiting for an answer from Gina Augustin. Just stroll right on in and make yourself at home. At least some things hadn't changed; I cling to those regular normal things like a life-line, keeping me tethered to the earth so I don't float away in despair. '_Denial denial is a long river in Egypt_,' my Grandmother once told me. It's a phrase that's been rotating around my mind along with Jesse's image and our memories and that last night for weeks. It's been getting louder and louder the more the time passes. I want to get an eraser and wipe it from my mind.

I don't want to go down the road of why I keep thinking of it.

So _not_ going there.

"Has Suze's world starting turning again, yet?" Gina greeted me with as she dumped her bag by the door and made her way over to my little living area, sitting down tentatively for Gina, on the edge of my armchair. I couldn't muster up even a hand wave, so I just shrugged a little, barely bothered whether she saw it or not. "I'll take the wine as a no then . . ." She trailed off, sighing heavily. That penetrated through my fog so I turned to look at her. For the first time in a while I really looked at my best friend. She looked . . . _awful_. Dark circles shadowed her eyes, the colour seemed to be washed out of her skin and she looked like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

I realized instantly that she is . . . She's carrying _my_ world for me.

A new level of pain starting to work its way around my chest, rising up to my head, making it hurt from the pressure. Not only have I lost the love of my life, but I'm starting to slowly destroy my best friend as well. God, I am such a bad person! Chewing on my lip I watched Gina walk out into my kitchen and get herself a glass before sitting back down. I watched as she poured herself some wine, her motions slow and tired. She didn't look at me as she did any of this and I got for the first time, the impression that she couldn't look at me. Like I was some kind of . . . of _disappointment_ to her or something. Sometimes I hate how easily I can read her.

Setting her glass down, Gina sighed again and finally looked at me.

I spoke before she did.

"I'm sorry," I croaked, swallowing back the rise of tears blocking the air to my lungs. "I'm sorry, Gina."

Raising one slim, perfect eyebrow, Gina leaned forward so her elbows were resting on her knees and really stared at me. So hard it made me squirm and shift in my seat. I crossed and uncrossed my arms, not really knowing what to do with myself. Just like I can read Gina like an open book, so can she with me. It'd be so much easier if it only worked one-way, I absently thought as I tried hard to not avoid her gaze and reach for my wine again. Or chocolate, I would have taken anything right then, just to not feel like her eyes were boring right through me, leaving a crumpled down heap of a girl in the place where I was sitting.

Narrowing her eyes slightly, Gina finally broke the silence between us.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to, Suze," She started, sitting back in her seat. Right then, in that one moment I saw my best friend start to peak back through the tired, drawn person I was trying really hard to not get up and walk away from. I did not want this discussion. We hadn't had it yet and I was hoping we never would. I should have known better though. I should have known that Gina of all people would only take me this way for a certain amount of time before she snapped. Deep down I knew it was something I value the most about her. But right then? Oh right then I wanted to tell her to go to hell.

Sniffing I settled with crossing my arms over my chest. "I don't know what you're talking about." I replied defiantly.

'_Denial denial, is a long river in Egypt_.' Sang my Grandmothers voice in my head.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, don't play dumb it doesn't suit you," Gina replied, barely fazed by my stony look and 'DO NOT APPROACH' warning signs I was giving off. She never listens to them. "_Jesse_ . . . _Jesse De Silva_, Suze! Remember him? You know the man you let just walk right out of your life because you got your _pride_ wounded? Because you're too damn stubborn and pig-headed to do the right thing, so you did the absolute _opposite_ because you thought he'd fight for you? You thought he'd choose you, because you think you should come first, no matter what he gives up. Because _you can't admit you're wrong_."

Each word she said stabbed at my heart in such a way that I dropped my arms and rubbed at my chest, half expecting to see blood seeping through my fingers when I looked there.

"No - " I whispered, clearing my throat to find my voice. But it sounded weak even to my ears. Probably because I knew it was going to hurt to hear what Gina had to say, but I just didn't know how much! For a split second as she said things that I shook my head at, vehemently denying because she's wrong, I felt completely and utterly alone in the world. So completely swamped under by the pain, shock and despair that I just wanted to scream at her to stop and shut up! "No - " I said again, but there was no strength to it."You're wrong!" My eyes filled with tears; hot stinging tears that made it impossible to see. Everything was just a blur . . .

I felt rather than saw Gina move to sit on the coffee table in front of me. I swiped at my tears that just wouldn't stop coming, no matter how angry I felt inside. That anger was nothing compared to the other feelings I'd stamped down again and again since he walked out of the door. I shook my head, trying to clear it wishing more than anything that I could somehow just pass out on the spot so I didn't have to feel and think about so much at one time. I was being crushed and suffocated and . . .

And there was only one person I wanted to take it all away.

"Oh my God, Gina," I suddenly said, my hands falling limp in my lap, my head still from its shaking, the thoughts silenced in my head. I choked on a breath, my heart thumping so hard in my chest I thought it was going to burst free. My tears cleared enough for me to look up and straight into the compassionate eyes of my best friend. That was my undoing. "Gina - _what have I done_?" I reached out to her, blindly feeling around because I couldn't see anything again and felt her cool strong hand take mine in return. Without saying a word, Gina pulled me forward into the most crushing hug she's ever given me and just rocked me as I sobbed until I couldn't breathe.

I sobbed for a lot of things.

I cried for my broken heart.

I cried for almost destroying my best friend.

I cried for the time I've lost being stuck in my daze.

I cried for the memories flooding through my mind and the undeniable love that thrummed along with them.

I cried for Jesse . . . because I let him down in the biggest way possible.

But most of all, I cried for my own stupidity. For letting the best thing to have ever happened to me, just walk out of my door without trying. Without looking for a compromise or just blindly following the fact I love Jesse and want to be with him, whether that's in New York or California. For possibly never getting the chance to ever rectify my biggest, stupidest mistake and living the rest of my life with the most unbearable regret hanging over my head and knowing that I would never, ever find a love that was as true and perfect and right, as it was, _is_ with Jesse. I cried a whole lot of tears, but it felt like only half of the pain was gone when I finally stopped.

The rest wouldn't go until I begged Jesse to forgive me and give me another chance.

That thought almost had me spiralling back down the black hole again.

"You know what you have to do," Gina smiled, ignoring the fact her top was soaking wet from my tears as she handed me a box of tissues. There was no apology for what she said to me, because we both knew there didn't need to be one. Gina has a way of getting her point across without having to say too much at all. She tore down every denial barrier I'd put up since that night and stripped me to the bare bone without much effort at all. And I let her.

Sniffling I nodded and wiped away the tear tracks staining my cheeks. God they stung something bad.

"So here's what you're going to do," She continued, pulling me up off the couch and steering me towards my bedroom. "You're going to go and get in the shower and make yourself actually look presentable for once," She nudged, pushing me towards the bathroom. "And then you're going to take this - " She bent down by my bed, reaching around underneath it until she had what she was obviously looking for and tugged it back out with some effort. Turns out it was a big, heavy-looking suitcase - clearly full up. " - and you're going to go to the airport and get on the plane to California and see Jesse and make all of this right."

Finished, Gina stood next to the suitcase by my bed and crossed her arms over her chest, looking smug and proud of herself.

Still reeling from everything that had happened in the living room; I shook my head and stared at her. "What?" I muttered, confused.

"You're going to California . . . tonight." She clarified for me. "Your ticket is waiting for you with your passport in your hand luggage. Now tell me what an incredible amazing friend I am to you?" She winked mischievously. The smirk was soon wiped from her face the moment I lunged at her, hugging her so hard I made her cough and choke. "Whoa, just saying thanks would have been enough," She laughed as she hugged me back, letting me choke her some more.

"Thank you," I whispered, getting teary-eyed again.

Pulling away, Gina shoved me towards the bathroom again. "No more tears. Go shower and get your man back. Keep the hope alive for me that if you can find love, then maybe I can too." She shrugged. But when I looked back at her with a raised eyebrow, she just laughed. Gina is not the type to fall in love easily. It would have to take the absolute right kind of unusual and special man to make Gina Augustin fall in love. "Yeah I know, never going to happen. Now go!" She ordered.

Spinning back around to go to the bathroom, my stomach fluttering with hope, excitement and a massive amount of nerves, I said one last thing before I closed the door. "Gina . . . You're an incredible and amazing friend."

And I owed her _a lot._

xXx

'_Concentrate Jesse_,' I mentally repeated to myself as I tiredly looked down at the chart I had been staring at for longer than was necessary for a patient who only needed a few stitches to a cut on his leg after a skate-boarding accident. Rubbing my hand down my face, I scratched at the stubble located on my jaw. I needed a shower, a shave and lots of sleep and dreams that do not have Susannah in them to tease and taunt me into waking with less hope than I went to sleep with.

"So how's it looking, doc?" My patient asked me, sitting on the edge of the bed waiting to see if he could be discharged or not. "Will I live to skate another day?" He grinned. He would be right back to doing the same reckless stunts that no doubt got him into this predicament of needing stitches in the first place. His wild and wide smile told me as much.

Handing the chart to the nurse who had been patiently waiting beside me while my mind had wandered while reading a chart that did not really need checking, I nodded to our stuntman patient. "You are free to go. Nurse Flannigan here will get your discharge papers and explain how to dress your wound properly. I suggest you take better care with your board next time." I smiled tiredly; shaking the young man's outstretched hand and nodding at his thanks.

"Thank you doctor," Nurse Flannigan said to me.

Her voice was low and inviting as she stepped too close to me, her eyes tracing over me as I stepped around her. Fighting the urge to roll my eyes at the very much unwanted attention, I stepped out of the patient's curtained area and headed down to the main reception where I passed my shift and paperwork to the next doctor on duty. I could barely pick my feet up as I made my way to the staff locker room, glad to have my shift done and over with. It seemed to me as though the time had ticked past much slower than normal. Though I knew it was simply because I was so tired. Thankfully it had not been overly busy in the E.R. - or what an E.R. doctor would class as overly busy at least.

"Enjoy the rest of your day, Doctor De Silva," A young intern said as she passed me, pushing an elderly man in a wheelchair. Unlike most woman since I have been here, the young intern had no note of invitation to her voice. It was just a simple greeting to make me smile, which it did for a short time. But it was soon over-taken by a long drawn out yawn that had me rubbing my hand down my face once again. I nodded back and carried on my way. I do not believe myself to be a 'babe magnet' as Susannah once called me. In all honesty the attention I have received from the female populace here has left me feeling uncomfortable.

It also stirs feelings I have been trying without success, to place in a dark corner of my mind until a time that I feel I will have the courage to approach them; feelings for Susannah that burn just as brightly and vividly as they did the last day I saw her.

Pushing open the door to the staff locker room I reached the bench situated in front of my locker and sank down on to it. I know my tiredness was more to do with emotional turmoil than actual physical fatigue. But it made it no less unbearable. It has been a challenging many weeks being in California. My new job has been every bit the experience and excitement I had hoped it would be. Even if that excitement has been somewhat dulled by the pain gradually getting worse and worse as each day passes. The staff I work with have been all that I had hoped they would be and more. Everything has been, from the moment I started my first shift in my new hospital.

But it has all been tarnished by the knowledge that I am missing one extremely vital piece to the jigsaw of my new life.

Tarnished enough to have made me question myself every day whether I have done the right thing by moving to California and starting a new position and job here. Many times I have found myself sitting at my laptop ready to write a letter of resignation, so I can go back to New York and fight for Susannah, to stay there with her where she clearly wants to be. I have almost given up my entire dream and career in the hope that if I go back, Susannah will accept me with open arms and we can start again. I would be pinning so much on that hope that could quite possibly fail me and leave me with nothing - just a large hole of despair that would take a long time for me to climb out of.

I feel so selfish and guilty for choosing to stay in California and make it work here, knowing I can never be completely happy.

Unfortunately the same could be said of me if I went back to New York. Susannah was the one holding me there. But now I have had a taste of what it is like here . . . I am torn between what I want, what I need and what I should do.

Dropping my head into my hands, I raked my aching fingers through my hair dishevelling it more so than it already was. I needed to go home and rest. Eat, even though my appetite has waned considerably over the weeks. I know my job will be made torturous if I do not take proper care of myself. With that thought I stood up and shrugged my coat off and hung it in my locker, taking out my faded leather jacket and shrugging it on. Each thing I did seemed to be drawing more effort from me than normal. I did not want to be sitting in the staff locker room mulling over the mess that has suddenly seemed to encompass my life so dramatically. I did not want any of the staff I work with to see me with my barriers down. I have kept a tight lipped seal on my life from before California and planned on keeping it that way.

Even if that means turning down invitations to go out with them to socialize. I feel as though I would be cheating on the memory of Susannah and me by doing such a thing. I selfishly chose to save my career over stay with Susannah in New York, even if I had already told myself she would come with me when I told her my news. The least I can do is stay alone and miserable in the guest room of my friends house when I am not working, then go out and drink and laugh with the people I work with.

I deserve the punishment . . . I must do.

Slipping my wallet, keys, pager and phone into my pant and jacket pockets, I slammed my locker closed and made my way out of the hospital. I kept my head down, only smiling and nodding at people who spoke to me on my way to my car, my hurried pace not keeping me still long enough to talk with them. I was grateful and relieved to finally reach my car and be able to leave my job behind for another 12 hours. The nagging thought that if I am not careful, I will become bitter towards my new position and the one incredible thing in my life it took me away from, was pushed to back of my mind, where I refused to touch it.

The drive back to the house I have been staying in was pitted with traffic that made my mind wander where it always does when I have not got to have prolonged moments of concentration - Susannah.

She is the first thought in the morning and my last thought at night. It has been that way for such a long time now, to not have her there for each one has made the pain slowly allow its vines to wrap around my heart and squeeze it too tightly. I have lost count how many times I have picked up my phone to call her - to beg her to come to California; to forgive me for being so selfish; to accept me back, to say she wants me there with her, where I would give up everything to do that. I have composed emails and started letters that I have never finished, because I simply cannot find the right words to make this better for us both. I am for once in my life, at a loss of what to do.

I would be lying if I said that thought does not scare me.

I love Susannah so much. She walked into my life in such a way that the possibility of her never being there was something I would refuse to ever think about. But yet, here I am, faced with that and I feel as though I have left the most important part of me back there with her. Heaven's knows how she must be feeling towards me. And I would not blame her in the least if she hated me. I hate myself for hurting her so much; even if she has hurt me too. Everything was going absolutely right for us . . . And then I made everything go absolutely wrong. It is no wonder I can barely live with myself.

With my thoughts still turned to Susannah, I pulled up to the curb of the house I have been staying in, my hands just sitting on the wheel while I stared out of the window. The engine was still running and I had the fleeting thought of not getting out of the car, but driving all the way home to New York just to see her. But the thought of being rejected made me turn the key to turn the engine off. After-all, I may not have written or called Susannah, but had she not done the same?

Sighing, my thoughts turning into a maelstrom of emotions I did not have the energy for, I stepped out of the car and locked it. My head was hung low on my shoulders as I walked up the long path towards the porch to the house, stopping only to pick up the rolled up newspaper along the way.

"_Jesse_ . . . ?"

The sound of the sweet, loving voice that has been coming to me in my dreams in such a haunting way for such a time made my head snap up to lock eyes with Susannah, standing at the top of the steps to the porch; her hands wringing nervously together in front of her, her lip pulled between her teeth, her eyes sparkling with un-shed tears. She looked to me like the most beautiful apparition my mind could have ever possibly conjured up to stand before me; her white summer dress floating softly around her knees, her hair falling in loose waves around her shoulders. But I only took that all in with a brief glance, because I could not tear my eyes away from hers. And all that I saw there. I searched hard, looking for the one thing I had stopped breathing to find.

Her love.

"_Querida_," I murmured in shock.

"Jesse," Susannah said again before everything turned into a blur.

I dropped the paper and the keys in my hands and I made quick fluid strides towards Susannah who had instantly started towards me the moment I said her nickname, racing as fast for me as I seemed to be for her. Time stood still the moment her soft, delicate arms wrapped around my neck, clinging onto me tightly as I swung her up and off her feet, holding her so tightly I made her whimper as I crushed her to my chest. I hadn't until this very moment believed Susannah been real and there until I felt her soft body pressed against mine; the beat of her heart thudding fast against mine. Her breathless rasps against my neck where she buried her head, with mine in hers. I felt a dampness fall on my suddenly hot skin that made tears come to my own eyes. Nothing would tear her from my embrace, though I was terrified someone or something might try.

I felt Susannah suck in a breath, but I could not loosen my hold on her. All I could do was whisper her name again and again, in-between peppering her shoulder and neck with kisses, just so I could taste her and allow my dulled senses to come back to life again after far, far too long. "Susannah, Susannah," I said again and again.

"I'm sorry, I am so sorry, Jesse," Susannah would not stop saying, her sobs cutting her words up, but they sank in with just as much intensity as they would if she had shouted it to me. "I was so selfish, Jesse, I should never have let you go; I should never have asked you to choose between me and your job!" She rambled, everything spilling out in a whisper, but I heard every single word without fail. "Please forgive me, please. I want to be here with you, Jesse! I want you to have everything, I need you - I need you so much! I was so stupid and scared and surprised and I had a knee-jerk reaction and I'm so sorry!"

Her words were like a balm across my soul - the vines that had been squeezing the life out of me, retreating from their attack on me and disappeared as though they were never there. Susannah had said everything I needed and wanted to hear. Everything I could have hoped for. She had come for me . . . She had come all the way to California to fight for me and suddenly everything slipped back into place again. Just the way they were supposed to.

"We were both in the wrong, Susannah," I murmured back, stroking my hand down her back more for reassurance for myself than Susannah. "I forgive you, if you can forgive me, _querida_? I love you so much. I don't ever want to be without you."

Pulling away from me, Susannah was set back down on her feet, but I still kept my arms wrapped tightly around her waist, not willing to relinquish my complete hold on her. "I love you too, Jesse." Smiling, Susannah met my kiss on tip toes, her lips meeting mine in an explosion of sparks and feelings that had been buried deep for us both for too long. Our kiss was not feverish or full of desire. It was slow, sensual and reacquainting. It was full of love, need and something so all encompassing and deep that it took my breath away. We stayed in that moment for a very long time, just the two of us and nothing else.

When we finally pulled away, all I could do was smile and lean my head against Susannah's. Contentment flooding through my entire being and ignited every nerve ending until it made my body quiver with happiness.

"Now I have everything I want, _querida_." I smiled.

"So do I," Susannah sighed happily. "So do I . . ."

* * *

_You know you're all that I live for, you know I'd die just to hold you, stay with you. Somehow I'll show you that you are my night sky. I've always been right behind you, now I'll always be right beside you. So many nights I cried myself to sleep, now that you love me, I love myself. I never thought I would say this, I never thought there'd be, you . . ._


End file.
